You want to learn some important truths? Our friends over at Verified Facts are serving up some truth bombs. Hurry over there before the Feds shut them down!

Here are a few of the verified facts. My friends, prepare to have your mind blown:

You might not think that there’s a link between the 2008 financial crash and most of the negative events you’ve experienced personally in your own life, but there is, and it’s real.

and:

Did you know that people with Rocky Mountain spotted fever are admitted to Harvard at half the rate that other people are, even when they have similar applications? Is this an example of the rich and powerful using their influence to keep their genetic pool “clean”? (The answer is yes.)

furthermore:

By tracking the shapes that nuclear power-smugglers’ secret trails leave in the deserts that line the US-Mexico border, we can easily tell that many of these criminals are in league with the Church of Scientology.

Oh, and by the way?

While excavating anthropological sites in Three Mile Island, rusty canteens from the Great Depression were found five feet below the surface. The logos on those canteens? “FEMA.” Everything we’ve been told about the past is a lie.

In all seriousness though, it’s amazing how simple it is to generate random conspiracy theories. This thing is quite brilliant. A couple of conspiracy-laden quotes, combined with a few find-and-replace lists of keywords (The Feds, FEMA, The Church of Scientology, financial crash, etc.) and a sprinkling of quotes such as

Our demands for transparency on this issue have largely been ignored.

And you’re in business. I really don’t think I could distinguish one of these auto-generated ones from an actual conspiracy rant.

Any particularly good ones you’ve found?