Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.

Hebrews 10:23

It has been a long time since I last wrote a new blog post. So much has happened this past year; so much has changed in my life. If you haven’t stopped following me, I thank you.

Last April my mother got sick and ended up in the hospital with a sepsis infection. She’s diabetic and had some sores on her legs that weren’t healing and through these, we believe the sepsis got in. During the first days, she had a heart attack and was in ICU for a couple of days. She began to have internal bleeding too. On and on; up and down. It was a nightmare.

No visiting, though all of my siblings and I did facetime with her a few times. Life changed. At home, she needed her pets taken care of and since she heats with wood, we had to keep her house warm. All in all, it was almost two months before she was finally home to stay.

We knew she’d be weak at first so a wheelchair was ordered and a ramp was built. My older sister and I, along with our younger brother, live around her, so she always had someone with her. Other siblings came and helped as they could.

Your mercy, O Lord, is in the heavens;

Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds.

Psalm 36:5

My older sister and I worked out a caregiver schedule of three days on and three days off. It has stayed that way this whole time. No matter what people say, no matter that it’s your parent, it is a hard thing to keep doing long-term.

My health issues went crazy. My Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue went into hyper-drive. My arthritis and back issues intensified so badly at times that I wasn’t sure if I could finish the day, let alone do it again tomorrow.

My cats came to think of me as their part-time mom. At least I saw them when I fed them. My house no longer resembled the home it once was. When I was home, I really couldn’t function properly. My home turned into a very messy, neglected place to crash and sleep. I was so exhausted, so hurting; but I couldn’t stop.

But the worse thing to be affected has been my time spend with God. My bible reading, prayer life all took a big hit. Big Time. Now many people will say why did I let it affect that? I don’t know how, but yes, I am to blame. I let it happen, but while going through all of this, I felt like I just couldn’t. I didn’t have anything left in me.

I am getting back into it on a more regular basis, not 100% yet, but soon, I hope. I’ve also started back into my bible verse memory app again. I missed doing that. God is so good, so faithful. I felt Him so much through all of this. I wouldn’t have made it through without Him.

If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself.

2 Timothy 2:13

Mom has improved and is doing better; though she will never be the “I can work all day long, no sweat” lady she was before. She is 83 and now she seems like she is 83. Last summer we built her raised garden beds and we hope to see her out there this year, but it won’t be without help and that’s alright. We all thank God that we still have her with us, no matter her capabilities.

When I am at her place and sitting in the recliner next to her and she’s dozing, I’ll look at her and see this tiny, little lady who used to be so physically strong. I remind myself how blessed I am to have had her as my mom and to have been able to live next door to her for the past 30 years. I ask God to give us many more years with us.

Mom asked me the other day how much longer will she need this continued help. I told her I didn’t know, that it depends on her strength and ability; but she will have it as long as she needs it.

My life at home is still crazy exhausted, but I try to get a little accomplished while I am home. I make more of an effort to spend time with my cats too.

So I’m back. Though I don’t know how often I’ll be able to write, I won’t let it go very long in between posts.

Preserve me, O God, for in You I put my trust.

Psalm 16:1

Until next time, God bless.

~Brenda

Photo Credit: https://unsplash.com/@nathananderson