I was recently given the Versatile Blogger award by Anxiety Adventures, as well as Tammy at Most Likely To Marry; about a month ago Allan of Simple Life Prattle sent me the One Lovely Blog award. These distinctions are unusual. It’s possible that a teacher once called me versatile, but I wouldn’t swear to it. I’m certain I’ve never been referred to as lovely. So to be described with both adjectives within a couple of months is something to celebrate. During that same period, I may have received a few other awards as well, but I can’t remember what they were or where they came from. This is partly because my mind has been rendered nearly useless by too many demands spread out over too little intelligence, and partly because any praise makes me feel self-conscious. If someone tells me they like my coat, I don’t know what to say, and end up wishing I knew the name of the person who actually made the coat, because that’s who deserves the compliment.
There are awards flying all over the place, and while on the surface it seems as though that fact should dilute the value of each, I don’t think it does. Awards help pollinate the blogging pool, enriching the number of possible interconnections. Okay, I just veered into unfamiliar territory there. I don’t understand pollination, or what flowers are up to with their pistils and stamens, and how the insects feel about being used that way. And I have no idea what the difference is between connections and interconnections. What I mean is, the awards help bloggers meet each other, when they might not have otherwise had the chance. And that’s good. Blogging is about relationships, which is a constantly evolving process. I’ve been lucky to meet writers from all over the world, and I now count some of them among my friends, all while seated at this desk in a tiny corner of North America. In order to acknowledge that good fortune, I’ve taken the two awards and made them even more versatile and lovely by creating my own: the Continental Blogging Award. This name is somewhat elegant and sophisticated, although that may be a deception, similar to the way “continental breakfast” sounds like something fabulous, even though it’s little more than lukewarm coffee in a styrofoam cup and a muffin that may have been edible three days ago. But the idea is, I believe, still worthwhile: to identify one notable blog from each continent. Worthwhile and difficult. I am astonished on a daily basis by the gifted writers and artists out there — people who continue to create beautiful work, sometimes with no discernible audience.
It’s easy to forget that there are seven continents. Antarctica slips the mind, because we tend to associate the south pole with penguins and ice and scientists studying minute fluctuations in the ozone layer. But what I’ve found is that there are excellent blogs written and published from all seven land masses.
* * * * *
Most awards ask recipients to tell a few things about themselves. Here are eight useless things about me.
1. I don’t understand men’s pajamas. For one thing, they have pockets in both the pants and the shirt. What would be an example of something you’d have to put in your pocket while wearing pajamas?
2. When someone gives me directions, I don’t listen. I should listen, because by the time I stop to ask for help, I don’t know what country I’m in. But there’s a part of my brain that thinks if I was dumb enough to get lost in the first place, there’s no sense believing I’ve suddenly smartened up to any appreciable degree. So when the person tells me to turn right at the fourth light, go three blocks, and then bear left where the road splits, I hear: “Turn somewhere and do something and then watch out for bears eating banana splits.” The really weird thing is, the more drawn out and repetitive the explanation is, the less likely I am to hear or remember any of it. Also, if I have to go through more than two sets of traffic lights, I lose all ability to count.
3. I’ve had about six hundred haircuts in my life. This seems like a surprisingly small total, and I wish I had kept a journal of them. At the same time, I hate haircuts and would rather punch myself in the face than get one. The thing I’ve noticed is that I always get the same haircut, no matter what I ask for. If I say, “Just a trim” or “A little off the sides” or “Shave my head and paint it green,” it makes no difference. I always leave looking exactly the same. I imagine if I went to a barbershop in Bulgaria and explained what I wanted in a made-up language, I would still get the identical haircut.
4. My mother used to tell me to pretend mashed potatoes were really ice cream. I had an above-average imagination, but this was too much for me. It required mentally changing the taste, texture, appearance, temperature, and density of the food. Plus, I almost never ate ice cream with a fork. I once asked my mother if I could have the mashed potatoes in a cone; I think she hit me with a wooden spatula.
5. When I see a bird walking across the road, I always have the same thought: If I could fly, I wouldn’t walk anywhere. I mean anywhere. I’d fly from one end of the nest to the other. Also, birds look amazing when they’re in the air, but kind of ridiculous when on foot. I’m surprised they haven’t noticed this and told each other.
6. As a child, I was terrified by a jack-in-the-box. The one I had looked like a tiny, white washing machine. When I turned the crank, it played “Pop Goes the Weasel.” I didn’t know what a weasel was, but at a precise point in the song, the lid would crash open and a hideous clown would come flying out of there. It scared the life out of me. Then a loving family member would push the clown back down, close the lid, and encourage me to do it again. On some level, even I recognized something perverse about the fact that I was the one turning the crank. I later moved on to sticking metal butter knives into electrical outlets, for no other reason than my father told me not to.
7. When I was fifteen, I applied for a part-time job as the Easter Bunny at the mall. The position involved wearing a head-to-toe costume, and hopping around and waving to little kids. I liked wearing disguises, and had a lot of experience at both hopping and waving, but they didn’t hire me because they wanted a girl. I was devastated. The mall is no longer there, but I’m still thinking of tracking those guys down and pursuing legal action. I must have suffered psychological damage or mental trauma. Who wouldn’t?
8. If I see a photograph of a grown man and a different photograph of that same man’s grandfather as a young boy, I get really confused.
Awards also suggest that you designate a number of other blogs, in order to pass along the honor. However, I’m not going to ask anyone to do anything. The self-imposed restriction of naming one blog from each continent has forced me to ignore the vast majority of my favorites. Nevertheless, here are seven I’d recommend. I hope you’ll visit them.
North America: Trask Avenue
South America: South America 2-up
Africa: Notes from Africa
Australia: Bruce Blogs Here
Asia: Bohemian Sentiments
Europe: Island Monkeys
Antarctica: Ethan’s Vivifying Adventures
koco
June 30, 2012
I need to convince my children to eat mashed potatoes from a cone, and video it. Very Funny and some cool blogs to check out, thanks 🙂
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bronxboy55
July 1, 2012
Good luck with the mashed potatoes, Koco. (Don’t forget to duck.)
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buckwheatsrisk
June 30, 2012
i like your coat, and as a hairstylist, how do you want your hair cut other than not at all?
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bronxboy55
July 1, 2012
Asking the customer how they want their hair cut is designed to give the illusion of control. It’s similar to the little button at the crosswalk, which has no effect on the traffic lights, but gives pedestrians something to do while they’re waiting.
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buckwheatsrisk
July 1, 2012
you’ve got me laughing again! i have to say though, the majority of men don’t know what they want. if i ask a guy the common answer is “i don’t know a cut, you’re the hairdresser.” lol
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bronxboy55
July 1, 2012
I used to work at Dunkin’ Donuts, and I can tell you that men don’t know what kind of doughnuts they want, either.
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buckwheatsrisk
July 1, 2012
ahaha! if asked, what kind, they probably say, “i don’t know, a doughnut” so that leave us to decide for you!
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mcgulotta
June 30, 2012
Congratulation on your awards. You definitely deserve awards and more. You are very clever in your writing. You are a wonderful person who always acknowledge other bloggers too. YO&OWLF
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bronxboy55
July 1, 2012
One of the best things about blogging is finding other blogs that teach me something, or help me think in a different way. It’s an endless education.
Thank you for being so supportive.
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Judy Berman
June 30, 2012
Congratulations on your award … and on coming up with the Continental Blogging Award. Loved your description about its name being: “somewhat elegant and sophisticated, although that may be a deception, similar to the way “continental breakfast” sounds like something fabulous, even though it’s little more than lukewarm coffee in a styrofoam cup and a muffin that may have been edible three days ago.”
About birds and flying: maybe you could talk some sense into the Sandhill Cranes down here. Apparently, they rarely remember that they can fly and they walk very slowly. This probably accounts for why they’re on the Endangered Species list.
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bronxboy55
July 1, 2012
I don’t know what it is, Judy, but over the past two or three weeks, I’ve had at least a half dozen close encounters with birds flying within inches of my windshield. And, of course, there are always the crows out for a leisurely stroll on the highway.
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The Sandwich Lady
June 30, 2012
Loved this, Charles. I share your fear of jack in the boxes. Perhaps if Jack were not a clown, which adds to the creepiness, he might be less scary.
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The Sandwich Lady
June 30, 2012
Ps congrats on being FP’d once again!
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bronxboy55
July 1, 2012
Thanks, Sandwich Lady. I haven’t been to your blog in a while, a situation I need to rectify as soon as the FP storm passes.
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Sandra Parsons
June 30, 2012
I’m in awe.
First, of the way you manage to convert the most mundane things (like haircuts or asking directions) into the hilarious highlights of my day. By the way, I too feel like I need to go back to university and get another degree whenever someone is trying to give me directions. Strange…
Second, of your mother’s ingenuity in trying to make something healthy sound desirable. I only ever managed to convince my little monster to eat rice instead of his favourite, pasta, by telling him it was pasta in a special shape. That was about two years ago and he still calls rice ‘rice noodles’.
And third, of the huge and humbling honour of being named your recommended blog from Europe. Especially because the island monkeys here attach great importance to the fact that they are NOT to be lumped together with the ‘continental’ riff-raff, teehee. Thank you very much!
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bronxboy55
July 2, 2012
I always look forward to reading your blog, Sandra, and it was an easy decision to recommend it. If I gave you an added twinge of joy by lumping the British with the continental riff-raff, even better. And your son is a culinary genius.
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Bruce
June 30, 2012
The cartoons are great, I laugh and feel sorry for the characters. On haircuts, I’ve experienced the same thing from kid to adult. I’m pretty sure all barbers possess a common skill; that is, they like to see the look on your face when they ask how you’d like it cut. When your face reveals that you believe their intentions, they go ahead and prepare for the next face they like to see; the one where you realise that the haircut is the same as all the others.
Lastly, thank you for putting a surprised look on my face this Sunday morning, it’s been a bit dull lately. Seeing my name on the above list gave both my eyebrows a severe workout. Bruce
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bronxboy55
July 2, 2012
An eyebrow workout is enough exercise for a Sunday morning, Bruce. I’m glad you liked the post, and hope it brought you a few new visitors, as well.
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Bruce
July 3, 2012
Thanks Charles, your mention did bring some new visitors and also sent me on new, interesting visits. I’ll post as usual on bits and pieces that prompt me and hope the click trip to Oz is worthwhile. Thanks again, Bruce.
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Cecilia Gunther
June 30, 2012
you are brilliant.. but i guess you have heard that before but you probably forgot to listen!! c
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bronxboy55
July 2, 2012
Compliments are a wonderful thing, Cecilia, until you start believing them. But I do thank you for being so supportive.
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The Wanderlust Gene
June 30, 2012
A breath of fresh air! Wonderful post. Now, I’m off to see new blogs … 🙂
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bronxboy55
July 2, 2012
I’m happy you liked it, and thanks for saying so.
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greenroomgallery
July 1, 2012
I agree with all the previous affirmations and will also visit the winners of your prestigious award. Thank you for giving the mundane a weird twist and/or the other way around. 🙂
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bronxboy55
July 3, 2012
Thanks, Charlotte. I originally chose you for the Australia blog, but switched to Bruce at the last minute, mostly because of his range of topics. I hope things are going well at the gallery.
http://greenroomgallery.wordpress.com/
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greenroomgallery
July 12, 2012
oh, that’s so sweet of you. My blog is really aimed at my customers, is quite irregular due to being busy with business and of course I am still very new at this. In fact I am so new I only now discovered your comment. I think an award of any kind should be earned and I am far from that in the blogging department. And thanks, things are going pretty well. 🙂
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Mal
July 1, 2012
As a child, I was petrified of the clown with the white face, bright red painted lips and wearing a pointed hat. When he laughed, he’d scare me even more… 😦
On a cheerier note, congrats on receiving those awards, Charles – great going, as always! 😀
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bronxboy55
July 3, 2012
I don’t think I was afraid of the clown, Mal. It was more the way he exploded out of the box, like some kind of assault. Still, I can see why a lot of people find clowns creepy.
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Michelle Gillies
July 1, 2012
Your new award is a great idea and I will check out the blogs you pointed to.
Those are the best “useless” things about anyone I have ever read. I keep reading them and laughing (with you – not at you). 😉
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bronxboy55
July 3, 2012
Thank you, Michelle. Maybe they weren’t as useless as I thought.
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marj
July 1, 2012
I’m deeply honored to have been included on your list. I was actually basking on my good fortune to have hit upon your blog several weeks back as it never fails to cheer me up and warm the corners of my heart. Never did I imagine you’d think my blog could be worthy of attention and that your site would be instrumental in boosting my stats. I’m still pinching myself here. 🙂 Really.
The “useless” things you mentioned aren’t of no value as they made me laugh hard. It’s always fascinating to learn more about you and what goes on inside your mind.
You deserve both the Versatile and Lovely Awards because you are a versatile writer and a lovely man. Congratulations for being Freshly Pressed for the 3rd time.You deserve every bit of the great things coming your way. XO
The Continental Blogging award is cool and elegant indeed. I love it. Thank you so much.
There’s one more thing I’ve got to tell you, Charles. In all honesty, I would have been just as happy having only you as my audience.
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bronxboy55
July 3, 2012
In a short time, I’ve come to look forward to your comments, Marj. They are always supportive and sincere, and I really appreciate your feedback. About your audience, though: you deserve to have many more people reading your blog. I hope that will happen.
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marj
July 4, 2012
Forgive me for a little delay in my response caused by the demands of my mundane circumstances. 🙂 Nevertheless, your comments are gladly anticipated and highly valued too.
You mean so well and that’s completely heartwarming to us, your followers, whose lives you somehow touch with your natural bent for caring. I’m beginning to see our world of blogging in a more radiant light now and it’s all because of you, Charles.
To have you as my main audience means the world to me.
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John
July 1, 2012
Well, gosh.
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bronxboy55
July 4, 2012
I knew you’d say something eloquent.
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Ruth Rainwater
July 1, 2012
Stumbled on your blog here and love it! You pulled me in with every one. I was amused at some of your descriptions and felt sad at others. It’s great the way you use words to elicit an emotional response from the reader. I’ll definitely be following your blogs!
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bronxboy55
July 4, 2012
Thank you, Ruth. I’m glad you’re here.
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EthanG
July 1, 2012
Hey, thanks for the nod. It’s always nice to know somebody reads and finds interesting my humble life way down south.
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bronxboy55
July 4, 2012
I tried to leave a comment on one of your posts, but had trouble. Do I need a Google account?
Happy 4th of July, Ethan.
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EthanG
July 9, 2012
Yes, I guess Blogger defaults to requiring an account to leave non-anonymous comments. I hope the 4th was pleasant in your part of the world. It was pretty low-key here, for sure. Cheers.
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souldipper
July 2, 2012
Charles, it’s great that all this recognition is going to one very fine writer. You earned these accolades!
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bronxboy55
July 4, 2012
Thank you, Amy. I can always count on you to say something uplifting.
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mystudentstruggles
July 2, 2012
Beautiful post, very witty and funny. Great award, I shall certainly be visiting those blogs.
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bronxboy55
July 3, 2012
Those blogs are all worth visiting. Thanks for the comment.
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Betty Londergan
July 2, 2012
I’m so pleased everybody is acknowledging your blog because it’s one of my absolute FAVORITES … and now that you’ve shared some of your favorites and I’ve checked them out, I can see I’m going to have to start reading even more blogs — great post, Charles!
And by the way, I have the same faulty hearing with directions — can NEVER keep them straight no matter how determined I am to listen. I wonder, are all writers this way??
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bronxboy55
July 3, 2012
I think you’ve solved the mystery, Betty. It isn’t that we aren’t listening to the directions. It’s that we’re quietly correcting the grammar and inserting punctuation where needed. So we’re not as dumb as we seem, after all.
I loved the most recent post about your adventures in Romania:
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Yulia
July 3, 2012
mash potato with cheese will be great.. my kids like it 😀
as for the pijamas, what I see that my boys put their toys in their pockets 😀
Nice post, charles, you always deserve to get those blog awards 😉
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bronxboy55
July 3, 2012
As a child, I was actually neutral about mashed potatoes. But having them compared to ice cream pushed me in the wrong direction.
Thanks for the kind words, Yulia.
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Angelo DeCesare
July 3, 2012
Congratulations, Charlie. I have always derived great pleasure and gleaned many insights from reading your informative and entertaining blogs. In many ways, they are life-changing and have played a crucial role in my understanding of our complex world. For example, while reading your most recent entry, it occurred to me that if you rearrange the letters of the word ‘blog’, you get ‘glob’.
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bronxboy55
July 3, 2012
If you think you had me fooled there, even for a second, you’re out of your mind. Either way, you’re out of your mind.
Happy 4th, Ang. Don’t hold those sparklers too close to your face.
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Mitch Mitchell
July 3, 2012
I find it incredible that you needed coaxing to eat mashed potatoes to begin with. I loved them from the start; the butter, the salt, and sometimes even the gravy; heck, I’m starting to salivate! Good deal with the awards; I run from them every time someone wants to mention me for one. lol
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bronxboy55
July 3, 2012
Butter, salt, and gravy. See, Mitch, that would’ve worked. Try eating it without those things. More to the point, stubbornly sit at the table for an hour and wait for the mashed potatoes to get cold. Then try eating it.
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rangewriter
July 4, 2012
Those pockets, let’s see: cell phone, iPod, TV remote, ahh Sonicare toothbrush. Just don’t roll over in bed!
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bronxboy55
July 4, 2012
You forgot nail clippers and reading glasses.
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zoetic * epics
July 4, 2012
That was hilarious! Thanks for the laugh! I’m addicted to ice cream (I have it daily! Sometimes with each meal). If my mother made me pretend mashed potatoes was ice cream, I wouldn’t have this addiction still! Tell me, does your mom still hit you with a wooden spoon? Hahaha
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bronxboy55
July 5, 2012
I go through periods of ice cream addiction, too, and then I don’t have it for months. But with or without ice cream, the need for sweets never disappears.
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Ashley
July 5, 2012
I think (in the case of my mom) pockets in PJs are handy if you want to carry your cell phone around as opposed to a Life Alert necklace. That way, if you’ve fallen and you can’t get up….of course, by the time I get to that point, I’ll probably think mashed potatoes are ice cream anyway and nothing will matter:)
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bronxboy55
July 6, 2012
Ashley, by the time you get to that point, the technology will be unimaginable.
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Val
July 7, 2012
Congrats on getting your bloggy awards and congrats too on making your own. Great idea using continents as… as… thingies. I’m not a great fan of receiving awards (well, I like to know people have thought of me but I’ve too little energy for all the palaver that follows) so last time, last blog, I also made my own.
I’ve had a look at all the ones you linked to – all previously unknown to me other than Sandra’s blog (Island Monkeys), which is indeed very funny. And that’s said from an Island Monkey’s perspective.
The hair thing… I think maybe people’s heads are shaped in a particular way (head-shape) and just tell whisper a style to the hairdresser/barber and whatever they intend to do, the head is the one that gets its way. I have stopped going to hairdressers and do my own now. It is sometimes a little lopsided but I don’t care. Much. I mean, when you always ask for ‘shoulder length’ and they measure the distance to the end tip of your shoulder, over where the arm begins, you know they’re just not getting it. To me, the shoulder begins where the neck ends.
I must now go and tell the birds in my garden how ridiculous they look on the ground, and ask them if they know. 😉
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bronxboy55
July 9, 2012
Thanks, Val. I knew how you felt about awards, and I may have even gotten the idea of reshaping them from you. Let me know what the birds say.
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dearrosie
July 9, 2012
A belated congratulations on being FP again 🙂
And sincere congratulations on your awards Charles. I don’t know anyone else who could pass on something he called a Continental Blogging Award and compare it to continental breakfast [which] “sounds like something fabulous, even though it’s little more than lukewarm coffee in a styrofoam cup and a muffin that may have been edible three days ago…”
You’re so funny!
I also love your list of 8 useless things. Your mother should’ve served you mashed potato in a cone.
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bronxboy55
July 9, 2012
Thanks, Rosie. Freshly Pressed is fun, but I’m glad it’s moved on.
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dearrosie
July 9, 2012
I can’t imagine how overwhelming it must be to get hundreds of comments flying into your blog because I’ve never had the pleasure.
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bronxboy55
July 10, 2012
You certainly deserve to.
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nyparrot
July 10, 2012
Congratulations on your award!!
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bronxboy55
July 11, 2012
Thank you, nyparrot.
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nyparrot
July 11, 2012
Welcome, welcome, welcome:-).
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therealbryon-(gaysexandthecity)
July 13, 2012
congrats on the awards… most deserved. Many more will come.
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bronxboy55
July 14, 2012
Thanks, Bryon. It’s good to hear from you.
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lisa@notesfromafrica
July 19, 2012
A wonderful and funny “acceptance post”!
Thank you for nominating me for The Continental Blogger Award! I always feel a little intimidated when a professional writer not only reads my blog, but nominates me for one of these awards. I also feel honoured as there are also so many great African bloggers out there. Although maybe I’m the only one you know of! 😉
I’ve also been called “versatile” and assumed that it’s because I can’t stick to one topic for any length of time. There are just so many things which grab my attention and which I feel I need to share.
I look forward to checking out the other nominees. Am impressed that there are bloggers in Antartica!
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bronxboy55
July 19, 2012
I know a few bloggers from Africa, Lisa, but I really like the way you present your subjects — especially the unhurried pace and attention to detail. It’s a beautiful blog, and there’s always something to learn.
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Marie M
July 20, 2012
Thanks for the great laughs! Haven’t been reading lately in part because I haven’t had time even to check my e-mail (as you might have noticed), and in part because my feed to your new posts seems to have been corrupted or deleted or something and I haven’t been notified. Will try to rectify–anyway, I was truly entertained by the exchange above between Ang and you. Thanks!
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bronxboy55
July 20, 2012
I’m always happier when I hear from you, and it doesn’t require that you read or comment on anything here. I also hope you get to relax, at least occasionally, this summer. (But you’d better hurry.)
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notesfromrumbleycottage
July 24, 2012
As you talked about mashed potatoes in a cone, I had a flashback to an Ozzie and Harriet episode in which Ozzie talked to the camera as he made a Mashed Potato cone with a dollop of ketchup on top and told us why he found it so tasty. As he leaves the kitchen, the two girls who are living with him and Harriet come in and shake their heads. They realize he was eating mashed potatoes in a cone and wonder at his weirdness.
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bronxboy55
July 30, 2012
I don’t remember that episode, Rumbly, but now I’ll have to go looking for it.
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notesfromrumbleycottage
July 31, 2012
I should add it was from the 1970s edition of their show.
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