This month’s blog chain on the Absolute Write Water Cooler forums was kicked of by Ralph Pines. He’s the one who offered the theme: seasons. I wrote a flash fiction/short story for the occasion. I hope you like it!
Summer Tears
I kicked my flat tire with a frustrated grunt. What is it with cars these days? They recently decided to pull sick jokes, is that it? I dropped to the sidewalk, my cell phone in hand. A few digits and someone would be here to help. I sat in a neighborhood; I could just yell. But I couldn’t bear people right now. I wanted to curl up on my couch with a jar of Ben & Jerry. In ice cream lies the power to fight heat waves and sorrows.
I undid a few buttons of my blouse. My elbows went to my folded knees and my hands to my face. Everything in me needed support. My head was no exception. The humid temperature crushed me like the burden of grief. Who else but me would get a flat tire on the hottest day of summer after burying her sister and would-have-been-brother-in-law who died in a car crash?
And what a funeral it was. Everyone cooked in line under their black clothes. By the middle of the ceremony in the graveyard, most people stopped caring about my sister. Their sweaty bodies yearned for air conditioning so the dead mattered less with each minute spent under the sun.
It was all summer’s fault. All of it. The disrespect for the memory of my sister. Hell, her death was the season’s fault in the first place. Wedding season frenzy kills two people. The newspaper loved the headline. The accepted theory stated that my sister and her fiancé argued while he drove. They were so bent on making their point neither of them saw the incoming truck. Dead on impact.
My family thought I was nuts when I said we should use the flowers ordered for the wedding for the funeral. The irony hurt at first but that’s what my sister deserved; a lively goodbye. In that regard, summer probably was probably the season she would have chosen.
Sweat trickled down my neck. The heat invited me to lay flat on my back and wait for the rest of the world to make decisions for me. Moving clearly wasn’t encouraged. The weather didn’t care how hard it already was to pull through the motion. The world felt heavy enough without the humidity dropping in for an unsolicited visit. Humidity is the nasty aunt that always finds her way to family events and you just have to endure her smothering presence.
Then, something changed.
The world took a deep breath, releasing the pressure on me for an instant. The storm broke. The deluge drenched me in a second. I raised my head to curse at the sky but laughter stopped me. Two girls exited a house, jumping around. They laughed as they ran toward a park around the curb. I listened to the drumming of the rain and the chimes of pleasure and remembered.
My sister and I used to do that.
“Adults curse the rain.” She said to me every time I was at her place when it rained. “Children know better.” We always yelled the last part together before rushing to the balcony. “Rain is freedom.”
One day when I felt particularly down, she told me that rain was the sky letting go of its problem and solving ours.
“I guess even you can’t keep it all in,” I murmured.
The temperature became bearable and so did the burden of humidity. I closed my eyes. I cried with the sky and let my anger feed the thunderbolts. The rain played the sweetest parting song, all in notes of pavement, roofs and car metal. The girls still laughed and yelled in the distance like a memory.
“Excuse me,” a male voice cut through the symphony. I opened my eyes on a charming face topped by an umbrella. “I saw you through my window.” He pointed the house across the street. “You look like you’re having a bad day. Anything I can do to help?”
“Are you in the mood to change a flat tire under the rain?”
He kneeled in front of me so our eyes met and the umbrella shielded me as well.
“Not really.” He replied with a crooked smile. “But I do have a working phone.” He glanced knowingly at my cell phone, soaked on the sidewalk. “How about coffee?”
“I don’t trust strangers who are afraid to get wet.”
The mysterious man folded his umbrella and offered me his hand to help me up.
Here is the list of the blog chain participants:
Ralph_Pines: http://ralfast.wordpress.com/ and direct link to his post
Aheïla (That’s me!)
mada: http://questioningseeking.blogspot.com/
DavidZahir: http://zahirblue.blogspot.com/
orion_mk3: http://nonexistentbooks.wordpress.com/
LadyMage: http://www.katherinegilraine.com/
semmie: http://semmie.wordpress.com/
llalah: http://www.twylanonsequitur.blogspot.com/
hillaryjacques: http://www.hillaryjacques.blogspot.com/
AuburnAssassin: http://clairegillian.wordpress.com/
laffarsmith: http://www.craftingfiction.com/
sbclark: http://www.sonyaclark.net/
FreshHell: http://freshhell.wordpress.com/
PASeasholtz: http://www.paseasholtz.com/
SF4-EVER: http://www.ulbrichalmazan.blogspot.com/
T.N. Tobias: http://tnt-tek.com/
IrishAnnie: http://superpenpower.blogspot.com
Proach: http://desstories.blogspot.com/
September 2nd, 2010 at 3:05 pm
Okay, do I have to say it again?
I’m a guy!
Jeesh!
Why does everybody think I’m a girl? Can’t men write “Slice of Life” stories?]
BTW, nice story. I always say the same thing when someone complains about the heat, “It’s a tropical island, what did you expect, snow?”
September 2nd, 2010 at 4:22 pm
I’m so sorry! When in doubt, I always double check the AW profile or about section of the person’s blog. So I guess, in your case, I didn’t have a doubt (probably because some other people mistook you for a girl plus the woman avatar on AW). I’ll rectify that right away!
I’m in Quebec. So people complain about the cold in winter and the heat in summer. I refuse to complain about the heat. However the other part…
September 2nd, 2010 at 6:33 pm
Thank you.
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:08 pm
You’re welcome!
September 2nd, 2010 at 3:17 pm
Sorry if I sounded too defensive there. Didn’t mean it as an attack on you or anyone else.
It does bring an interesting question about writing, sexual roles and readers assumptions.
Maybe I should take a moment and dwell on that.
September 2nd, 2010 at 4:24 pm
I didn’t take it as an attack.
As I said before, for me the assumption doesn’t come from your writing but the avatar and the way people address you. I sincerely believe that gender doesn’t limit someone’s creativity (though I read somewhere that our creativity works a different way.)
September 2nd, 2010 at 3:51 pm
“The rain played the sweetest parting song, all in notes of pavement, roofs and car metal.”
I love this sentence, Aheila. Wonderful job with your story.
September 2nd, 2010 at 4:25 pm
Thank you Semmie! I’m glad you liked it!
There are a couple of sentences I really love in this story.
September 2nd, 2010 at 7:27 pm
Hi, I just stumbled on to your blog and I’m glad I did. It’s a gem of a site. Thanks for the read.
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:13 pm
Hi! Welcome to my blog!
I’m glad to see you here too! I like meeting new people. *laughs* I’ll hope you’ll stick around so I can have your opinions on my various stories.
And you’re welcome. I like to share. 😉
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:10 pm
A nice, evocative read! Good to see someone go with fiction this time around; I felt a little out of place last month with fiction in a sea of creative nonfiction (not that there’s anything wrong with either, of course!).
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:15 pm
Thanks Alex!
What I really enjoy about the blog chains is that every month is different. I like getting out of my comfort zone. And everyone has a different take so you don’t have to feel out of place. 😉
September 2nd, 2010 at 9:50 pm
[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Rafael R Piñero, Aheïla. Aheïla said: AW September Seasonal Blog Chain: http://wp.me/pKRjl-l6 […]
September 3rd, 2010 at 9:53 am
Very nice. I usually don’t comment on people’s choices of words, but I’m wondering if dropping the word “mysterious” in the last sentence wouldn’t have in fact made him more mysterious – the act of closing the umbrella was mysterious. It was a great sentence anyway – nicely gone!
September 3rd, 2010 at 12:41 pm
I actually wondered about that and finally decided to leave it in. But I agree, his whole demeanor breathes mystery so maybe it wasn’t necessary to point it out.
September 3rd, 2010 at 6:03 pm
I like the way the humidity bore down on her and how the storm offered catharsis.
September 3rd, 2010 at 10:53 pm
Thanks!
September 4th, 2010 at 10:48 pm
Definitely an interesting scene. And I may need to borrow the bit about adults cursing the rain. I definitely notice that myself…
September 5th, 2010 at 12:09 am
It’s crazy right? Summer is so short here and the tension before a storm is so electrifying… People need to learn to appreciate the caress and music of rain!
Borrow it all you want! Let’s spread a little love for rain! *laughs*
September 5th, 2010 at 1:20 am
Very nice, Aheila. I like how you made the weather seem sentient, and not very nice. These were my favorite lines:
“Everything in me needed support. My head was no exception.”
“I don’t trust strangers who are afraid to get wet.”
September 5th, 2010 at 12:46 pm
Thanks Hillary! I’m glad you liked it.
I spent quite some time working on that “stangers” line. *laughs*
September 5th, 2010 at 8:01 pm
[…] (direct link to the relevant post) Aheïla (direct link to the relevant post) DavidZahir (direct link to the relevant post) LadyMage (direct link to the relevant post) semmie […]
September 6th, 2010 at 5:09 pm
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September 7th, 2010 at 1:38 pm
Really nice! I am a fan of summer but the humidity does get to be too much after awhile. I can only wish for rain, though. I like this scene and sure hope she gets that tire fixed!
September 7th, 2010 at 1:41 pm
In Quebec, I freeze enough in winter that I just can’t get mad about the heat, even if it’s humid. And the promise of the storm makes everything better, doesn’t it?
September 8th, 2010 at 8:59 am
Very descriptive, your writing has the ability to really draw you into the scene.
September 8th, 2010 at 9:54 am
Thank you!
September 8th, 2010 at 5:14 pm
This: “Humidity is the nasty aunt that always finds her way to family events and you just have to endure her smothering presence.” – is an awesome line! Love it!
September 8th, 2010 at 8:35 pm
I laughed when I wrote that one. My fingers kind of surprised me.
September 9th, 2010 at 9:02 am
[…] and direct link to his post Aheïla: https://thewriteaholicblog.wordpress.com/ and direct link to her post DavidZahir: http://zahirblue.blogspot.com/ and direct link to his post orion_mk3: […]
September 10th, 2010 at 7:50 am
So many descriptive sentences that were simply breathtaking to read. Very nicely done, Aheila. I really enjoyed this.
September 10th, 2010 at 8:34 am
Thank you Claire! It’s a nice change of pace for me to go for something a little less action-based than Unforeseen Dives.
September 13th, 2010 at 12:24 pm
[…] Aheïla DavidZahir orion_mk3 LadyMage semmie llalah hillaryjacque AuburnAssassin laffarsmith […]
September 13th, 2010 at 9:15 pm
Amazing story, Ahelia! I loved it… The breaking of the storm was incredible…very well done!
September 13th, 2010 at 9:43 pm
I’m glad you enjoyed it!
September 16th, 2010 at 1:30 pm
[…] and direct link to his post Aheïla: https://thewriteaholicblog.wordpress.com/ and direct link to her post DavidZahir: http://zahirblue.blogspot.com/ and direct link to his post […]
September 21st, 2010 at 12:46 pm
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September 22nd, 2010 at 3:30 pm
[…] and direct link to his post Aheïla: https://thewriteaholicblog.wordpress.com/ and direct link to her post DavidZahir: http://zahirblue.blogspot.com/ and direct link to his post orion_mk3: […]
September 23rd, 2010 at 5:54 am
[…] Aheïla: AW September Seasonal Blog Chain […]
September 23rd, 2010 at 6:19 am
Great story, Aheïla. I have to admit I’m a little in love with the man you introduced at the end. It felt like the lead in for a romance. We see a strong opening for the heroine and then this charming guy, who won’t change a tire but not because he doesn’t want to get wet, comes to help her out of a bind. A strong man might not be afraid to get a little dirty and use a little muscle. A smart one knows it’s more efficient to hire a professional. 🙂
I also love how this story is an inversion. For some strange reason many fictional accounts of funerals have them under cloudy skies or rain. It’s as if the skies mourn the loved one too. In your story the sky reflects a deeper personification and greater connection with the true personality of the deceased. It’s lovely.
September 23rd, 2010 at 7:29 am
I’m always astonished when someone takes time to analyze my writing. It allows me to truly experience the difference between the intention it was written in and the perception others have when reading.
Most of the thing you mentioned aren’t even conscious choices; it’s just how the story and characters came to me. But when taking a closer look, their actions do tell more than the initial plot I set out to write.
Your outlook is very interesting!
And I agree about rain and funerals. Even in movies, it rains a lot when people are sad. *laughs*