Question: You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner and is running at you while screaming obscenities. In your hand is a .357 Magnum and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
Liberal Answer: Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question!
You’re looking for simple solutions to complex issues.
* Does the man look poor or oppressed?
* Have I ever done anything to him that is inspiring him to attack?
* Could we run away?
* What does my wife think?
* What about the kids?
* Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
* What does the law say about this situation?
* Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me?
* Does he definitely want to kill me or would he just be content to wound me?
* If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
– This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days to try to come to a conclusion.
Conservative Answer: Bam!
Redneck Answer: Bam… Bam, BamBam, Bam Bam… Click, Click… Reload…
Redneck’s Daughter: Nice grooping Dad!
Redneck’s Son: Can I shoot the next one Dad? Huh? Can I!?
Rednect’s Wife: You are NOT… going to mount that!
everything is spot on except for the “click, click”… a redneck keeps track of his shots 🙂
so whats the deal? you only approve comments from your buddies?
My apologies. As I’m sure you know we get a lot of spam comments. I was just a little slow in going through the list and realizing your comment was relevant. If I understand Word Press, you should be flagged as trusted now.
As for the redneck keeping track of his shots; you’re right. I did take a bit of literary license on that one. In my defense… please notice that I did get the number of shots right for the revolver.
Thanks for the comment.
Haha this article is hilarious. And so spot on like radio_babylon said.
You forgot the more accurate story:
Texan sees a black kid walking home from the store after 8pm in a white neighborhood.
“Lib’rul” response: Behave intelligently and thoughtfully, albeit perhaps too sensitively.
“Conservative” (read: Someone who favors Republicans. Once favored the Tea Party, but has since forgotten they exist. Views are simple, but not actually conservative.): Shoot that black kid. Tell people he was behaving suspiciously. When accused of racism, say, “I’m not racist! I have black friends and I manage to avoid shouting racial slurs in their presence!”
Wow… only a total dirt-bag would equate protecting one’s family and self to racism and murder. I almost didn’t approve this comment but I want my readers to see just how low the left will sink and how intellectually bankrupt they are. This guy may just be a troll…
I don’t presume to know the details of the tragic shooting Mark is referencing. So far the system seems to be working. A grand jury will review the evidence presented by the police/prosecutors and decide if there is enough to charge him. If he is charged he will be judged by a jury of his peers.
If instead we consider the completely different and fictitious example presented in this humorous post, the shooter, be he conservative or redneck would be well within his rights to use deadly force as would the liberal who allows his family and himself to be victimized.
You lampoon liberals as toothless p*ssies. In response, Mark lampoons conservatives as violent neanderthals. Prob not about Florida case.
>> You lampoon liberals as toothless p*ssies.
True… and it is funny.
>> In response, Mark lampoons conservatives as violent neanderthals.
Lampoon implies humor… Mark wasn’t funny, nor was he trying to be.
Mark had a point to make and was very clear in making it. My counter-point is that his beliefs (as stated) are offensive and intellectually dishonest at best.
>> Prob not about Florida case.
Of course it was!?!… (puzzled look)
Oh good lord. You think you’re funny, he’s offended; he counters, you’re offended. You’re both thin-skinned. 🙂
I, sir… am hilarious! Just ask anyone who knows me…
Offended?
— My type would just as soon shoot a black kid and cover it up.
— My type is racist (on top of being capable of murder).
— I’m easily distracted from my loyalties… like the Tea Party.
— I’m a simpleton who doesn’t understand conservatism.
Why!? Would I be offended?
Quit making me feed the trolls!
“If it weren’t for throwing conniption fits, we wouldn’t get any exercise at all.” Great editorial by Bill Maher. http://t.co/xy6o5Oid
And write a new post, you lazy bastard! All my liberal bile is backed up.
A redneck would be carrying a sawed off shotty. Conservative would have a Kimber Solo Carry .45. A liberal would have a hundred dollar bill, loose change, and some pocket lint. Badguy has a big knife. Who wins? We decide on the DEADLIEST WARRIOR. No really, guys, no debate required, and all self defense is legal. DONE.
“Grooping?!” And what happened to the additional shots after the reload? 😉
>> “Grooping?!”
Grooping… is redneck for grouping! It implies a smiley face pattern. Everybody knows that. 🙂
So set aside any concerns that I can’t spell… 😉
>> And what happened to the additional shots after the reload? 😉
In case he has a buddy coming around the corner. He can hand the gun to his son. 🙂