To strike a balance between fulfilling my own desires and taking into account the needs and wants of others.
When conflicts arise, look for a solution where everyone wins.
Habit 4 is about thinking of winning – “Everyone can win.” It’s not just about me or you, it’s about both of us. I believe this habit says that there are plenty of good things for all of us. It’s a graceful and kind way of thinking. To be enthusiastic about others’ success. To seek what we want and empathize with others at the same time. To use creative thinking to find a new solution that can make both of us happy. If you approach discussions with your child with a mindset of winning, you’ll encounter much less resistance.
Ways to instill this habit : Teach your children that loving goodness for others is a sign of faith. Memorize the following sayings and make one of them a weekly motto that you display prominently in your home:
The Prophet, peace be upon him, said: “Do you love Paradise?” He said: “Yes.” He said: “Then love for your brother what you love for yourself.”
The Prophet, peace be upon him, said: “Whoever would like to be saved from the Hellfire and admitted into Paradise, then let him die with faith in Allah and the Last Day, and let him treat the people as he wishes to be treated.”
The Prophet, peace be upon him, said: “None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.” (Reported by Al-Bukhari and Muslim).
In front of your children/students, show your joy when others succeed and achieve special things: Be a role model for your children by being happy for the good things that happen to others. For example, if the neighbors get a new car, comment on how great it is for them. If his/her friend got a new bike, say, “I bet you were really happy for your friend.”
Allocate time for the family/ class to celebrate everyone’s successes: Celebrate each family member’s steps of success and achievements, no matter how small. Whether around the dinner table or in a family gathering, give family members time to share something they did well. Celebrate as a family. Make sure not to compare your children to others. Praise each of them for their individual achievements.
Train them to solve problems in a creative way: Role-playing is a very powerful way. Let your children explain how they would act in different situations. Ask them, what would you do if:
You wanted to play in the schoolyard and there was only one ball. Another person wants the ball.
They didn’t like what was served for dinner.
Help them understand what “winning” might mean: Sometimes, it’s not about getting a specific thing as much as it is about feeling that others understand us and our needs. Teach your children to share their feelings in a way the other person can respect. Help them express what they hope to achieve and what the other person might want. Let’s always ask, when our needs conflict, is there a third option? Maybe we set the ball aside and play a different game together. Maybe the kids volunteer to prepare dinner one night a week to give Mom a break. Let’s think of a solution that we can all feel satisfied with!
Clarifying Expectations It’s really hard to win with others if each of you is playing by different rules. Make sure you’re clear with your kids, and in all your relationships, about what the expectations are. When you use terms like reasonable, enough, timely, clean, you might think you’re being clear, but the other person may have a different idea of what that means. Can you be more specific? Because a clear understanding between you establishes a strong relationship and a great ability to compromise.
Explain the 4 types of relationships
Activities for Young Children:
Play a game with your child that has a clear winner. Explain how competition is okay when playing a game, but it’s not good in relationships. Discuss how much tension there should be in your home if each situation should have a winner. The more we think of winning for both sides, the fewer problems there will be. You might want to display a chart listing the days of the week. When someone is “caught” thinking about everyone winning, they should write their name on the chart for that day.
Encourage win-win solutions for sibling conflicts. Don’t always be the mediator. Let them come up with a solution and be sure to lavish praise on them when they do.
Read Chapter 4 of the book “The 7 Habits” with your child.
Activities for Teenagers:
Say sorry when you shout, overreact, or blame one of your children for something they didn’t do. This sets an example for your child when a similar situation occurs.
Set clear expectations with your children about chores, curfews, grades, car privileges, etc.
This clarity in rules will help you succeed in making agreements with them, as it’s hard for both of you to win if you’re playing by different rules.
Suitable for All Ages: Think For a recurring conflict you tend to have with your child (household chores, cleaning their room, feeding the dog, putting gas in the car), then discuss a solution where everyone wins. Write down the solution and then remind each other of it the next time the situation arises.
Remember not to compare your children in front of each other. Instead of comparing one to another, praise the one who behaved well. The message will definitely get across to the other.
Think about your relationship with your child. Does it follow the rule of “I win, you win” in general? If not, how does it affect your family life? What do you need to do differently to change this reality?
Words you can use daily to establish this habit:
“You did really well in ______.”
“How can we come up with something that makes both of us happy?”
“I bet they can figure this out. What’s the smart win-win solution here?”
“What’s the third option? Can we think of a better way?”
“Can you see this from their perspective? What is each of you trying to achieve?”
“What’s most important here? What do you really want?”
“What’s the new solution here? Can you think of more options?”
You can listen to the following song, may be practice it or a similar one together
Teach your children these stories from the Prophet’s life with his companions:
Muhammad, peace be upon him, loved for people what he loved for himself, and he was eager to bring goodness to them with great care. He even almost exhausted himself out of sorrow for them. Allah comforted him saying, “Perhaps you would kill yourself with grief that they do not believe in this message.” (Quran 18:6)
The Ansar (people of Madinah) welcomed the Muhajireen (emigrants) in the best way. They shared their wealth and homes without any hesitation.
During the agreement of Hudaybiyyah, even with the disbelievers who were fighting against the Muslims, the Prophet made a peace plan. In the terms of the agreement, there were things that pleased both the Muslim and the non-Muslim parties. This stopped the war and prevented shedding of blood, resulting in benefit for everyone.
When the Prophet arrived in Madinah, he made an agreement with the Jews. It granted the Jews the right to worship freely and be safe. It also made them neighbors who would help protect the city. This allowed for free trade and peaceful coexistence between Muslims and Jews.
Print the poster and hang it in your children’s room after explaining the meanings to them.
إتقان للمعلم والمربي 