My sleeping Angel just after he was born.
I woke up feeling tired after a big weekend. I know my body and baby needs rest today. I am taking things very slowly. I haven’t been eating the best diet these past few weeks so I am determined to turn it around this week. I have ordered a cold press juicer and I am going to start having my morning green juices again. I feel nauseous in the mornings so I need to have something when I wake up. My heart feels heavy today. I miss Hamish so much. I look back through photos on my phone of his beautiful face. He was so perfect. I found a new favourite photo of him that I love. He looks so peaceful, like he is sleeping. I have stopped going over and over what it would be like to have him here. I am in full acceptance now that he is gone. It doesn’t make it any easier though. My heart aches for him every day. I saw an article today about a mother whale that had a stillborn and carried it around in the ocean for days. The whales spend time saying goodbye before they lay their little ones to rest. This just reminded me of how important it was for Greg and I to say our proper goodbyes. To hold him for a few days. To have him near before we laid him to rest.
I love you so much Hamish
I Am Still Born 