I remember having this deep pit inside of me, this feeling that I needed to be loved. I felt so desperate that I searched everywhere. It was as if until someone loved me, I couldn’t value myself as worthy—worthy of living, worthy of respecting myself. So I disrespected myself by chasing boys and men in an attempt to feel loved. Every time, I fell flat. I was always left heartbroken and empty.
What I didn’t know at the time was the truth found in Ecclesiastes:
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. (Ecclesiastes 3:11 NIV)
He “set eternity in the human heart”?
My desire to be loved was a God-shaped hole He had put inside of me from the very beginning. It was a need to be fully known, fully loved, valued, and worthy.It’s interesting that when I eventually gave my life to Christ and realized that I was massively loved by the Father, the greatest gift-giver in the world, the void was gone.
My eternal God had filled my heart.
Yet slowly, over time, in my marriage and with my kids, I began to have new fears and new desires.
I want my husband to love and know me fully. My kids are going to leave me. They prefer their friends. They prefer their dad. I just want them to love and know me fully. I want my mother to accept me and think I’m a great mom. I want her to love and know me fully.
Somewhere in the middle of my journey through life, even as a Christian, I began to kind of scoot God over a little bit inside of the God-shaped hole that He had already filled. I again tried to allow others to fill that empty spot. As I began to give pieces of my heart away, it made me dissatisfied and discontented. I wanted more.
When our God-shaped void is not fully filled by the Lord Jesus Christ, God Almighty, it’s impossible to love others fully because you’ll always need something from them. You’re always searching and seeking to be filled, rather than reaching out and loving others because you’re already filled.
Seeking God is not just about finding Him and becoming a Christian. It’s about a daily renewal of understanding how much He loves you. To seek God is to enjoy His presence and remember what He has already given you.
Remember, we don’t ever lose the love that God has so generously given us, but we can lose our understanding of it. Deception from the evil one can creep in and begin to steal from you.
What God thinks of you and how He loves you never change. But sometimes your perception can change, and you begin to think you need more from people. That is a lie. The enemy has been up to the same trick from the beginning in an effort to move us away from the beauty of knowing, obeying, and trusting God. The moment we stop seeking Him and instead pursue others to satisfy us and bring us joy, love, and peace is when we will truly lack what we are chasing.
Seek to know and experience God’s love daily. Then, when you aren’t invited to the party, when you’re overlooked or undervalued, when disappointments come, you will still be content. You will brush off the sting quickly because you know you’re fully loved and known by the God of the universe, and that is more than enough.
SISTERS CHALLENGE
Without a fresh understanding of God’s tremendous love for us, not only do we inwardly ache, but also we are unable to pour out His love to others.
Let’s grow in our understanding of God’s profound love for us! Begin the five-day YouVersion Bible reading plan, Why Does God Love Me?
Start today! Allow God to renew and sharpen your mind with His truth about His love for you!
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