Preface

This batch of freshly baked puns is for anyone who’s ever inflicted a dad joke on me; happy Father’s Day you man-sized child!

 I 

Avid aesthete: [gazes at bright-eyed, raven-haired beauty] Look at her; she’s so damn beautiful. I must shoot her—I need to shoot her!

Companion: [is visibly shocked] Shoot her?! You mean like kill her??? 

Avid aesthete: NO!!! As in—[something seemed to have clicked in this split second] Testino, not Tarantino.

Companion: [takes a second] You know, you could’ve just said ‘shoot as in take photos’.

Avid aesthete: [is too pleased with own punning abilities to respond; grins cheekily]

II

 Shop girl: [deadpan, while holding a folder in her hands] We need to cut ties.

Shop lady: [looks confused and a little alarmed] What?

Shop girl: I said I have to cut ties with you.

Shop lady: [frowning] What do you mean?

Shop girl: [pulls out a sheet of yet-to-be-cut-out Father’s Day themed gift tags, some of which are shaped like ties] Boss said we have to cut these out for Father’s Day! [grins]

Shop lady: [has no words]

III

Banker: Ricotta get me outta these embasilment charges man!

Lawyer (related to Banker): My wife just pasta way so I cannoli concentrate on so much work right now, but olive a think about it.

-Later-

Associate: Embasilment! So that’s what he risotto in the end huh.

Another associate: He’s a real pizza shit. Arancine glad he got what he deserved?

Lawyer: Yeah, that’s why I said to him ‘why gelato me before?’