Cancer Moon (Prelude to India)

i am pulled.
to where, 
i dont know. 
but i go, 
into the cold, 
into the night, 
alone. 

i am miles from home reached first by car, but now i am on foot. 
it is winter in Alberta prairies. the white snow is muted grey, with outline of trees against black skies. 
i am not properly dressed, i feel burning in my finger tips, muscles tightening, 
it is much too late for me to be out alone in the wilderness. 
but i felt a calling so loud, i did not want to ignore. 

i am walking into the forest, 
unknown of a final destination, 
“foolish foolish girl, go home” i hear them say. 
i refuse. i am needed here tonight. 

on my path, i see to my left-
four witches dressed in black
brewing a pot, of spells and magic, 
to heal the earth, to heal the broken. 
they look at me, i look at them, 
eyes locked.
they nod, i nod, 
i carry on. 

i continue down the snowy path. 
a pack of wolves, i see to my right- 
growling as they devour blood soaked flesh.
they see my fear, and soften gently- 
“forgive us, we are hungry, 
we will not hurt you.”
eyes locked. 
they nod, i nod. 
i carry on. 

i lead myself down a path, 
crunching snow and shivering curiosity. 
more and more into darkness. 
trees, once familiar, now towering strangers. 
i am not afraid. 
i carry on. 

the woods, 
the forest, 
get darker,
and darker, 
and darker. 

until
i see, 
a break
of darkness. 

shimmering light. 
warmth. 
unconditional love. 

i see you. 

a moon, so full, so bright, 
it radiates warmth into my being. 
i’ve heard tales of him before, 
a Cancer moon, so pure. 
it is our first time meeting, 
but we have been here before, 
i feel it in my soul. 

i lose myself, 
time is irrelevant, 
eyes are locked, 
i am not moving. 
nor is he. 

time stops. 

i am safe.

with him, 
i am safe.

“i have been searching for you,”
i say, with emotion, 
knowing our tragic fate, 
but grounded in this moment. 

“i have been searching for you too,” 
he says, with assurance, 
knowing our tragic fate, 
he soothes me back to harmony.

eyes
are locked. 

infinite. 

“it’s time. you must go.”
he says, with such warmth, 
i feel my eyes well up with tears. 
i am not ready to let him go. 
but he is right, it’s time. 
it’s dark, and cold. 
i don’t belong in the woods alone. 

i inhale, 
taking in his beauty, 
his warmth, 
his truth, 
his presence. 

with eyes so wide, 
so bright, 
so warm.
i inhale
as he says:
“i’m very excited, 
you’re about to go on a journey,
you’re about to go for a fall.”  

i exhale, 
smile, 
pausing, 
soaking the moment in
until i am ready
to turn away. 

i’m ready. 
i think. 

i begin to walk away,
feeling mountains of emotion well into my chest. 

i turn around, to ask:
“dearest moon, 
will i see you again?” 
“100%,” he says. 

his response, so confident, 
i can turn away, and leave. 
knowing with full trust
whatever path i go down, 
it will lead back to him. 

(i hope. foolishly.)

“goodbye moon.” my heart silently speaks. 

i turn around, 
sense of urgency is peaked
i begin to run, fast,
into the dark forest. 
i can’t see where i am going. 
but i need to be fast. 

the wolves, 
they are howling louder,
a warning,
“it’s time to go home.
NOW.”

i am running faster, 
back to my car, 
the snow is deep,
but i do the best i can. 

i run, 
past witches,
past wolves, 
past every fear ive carried with me, 
i run, 
back to my car, 
back to a getaway.  

fuck.

P A N I C
is overriding the calmness
gifted by my moon. 

a sudden jolt
shocking my systems.

i have tripped. 

and begin to fall. 

backwards,
i keep falling. 

i am confused,
i do not hit the earth. 
this is not right..

“i’m excited for you, 
you are about to go for a fall,”
my moons words now echo deeper. 
i felt such love in each word he spoke, 
i decide to let myself relax into the unknown. 

and as i fall, 
i trust. 
the unknown. 
i trust
my cancer moon. 

floppy and relaxed. 

i fall. 

i fall.