Side-by-Side: Would You Rather Have a Duck-Sized Horse or a Horse-Sized Duck?

Alyssa Bewszka and Kyle Harper debate the age old question.

The Duck-Sized Horse is a Portable Cuddle
by Alyssa Bewszka

When it comes to animals, I love just about every single species—so much so, I wish I could carry some of them around with me. For this, a duck-sized horse would be absolutely perfect.

Since I was a young girl, I have loved horses and small ponies. My parents never let me ride horses because they were so big and potentially dangerous.

This is where the duck-sized horse solution comes in. Depending on the duck, if I had a horse that was the size of a large duck, then I could have it follow me around and ride it in a hurry when necessary.

This takes away the issue of large feces to clean up and the danger of a giant horse stomping on you or kicking you in the face. I also have owned three pairs of duck species before of varying sizes. So, I know the duck size of the horse that I would enjoy.

I would love if my horse could be the size of a Muscovy duck, which is 15 pounds, per allaboutbirds.org, but also have the personality of an American Pekin duck. I have never owned a Muscovy duck but I have owned an American Pekin, and they create a very tight knit bond with their owners, love to cuddle, and play follow the leader.

If I was across campus and needed to get to my next class faster than my swift walk, I could use my duck-sized horse to get me there without running into the issue of being on a giant horse. I could also bring my duck-sized horse into buildings with me and be a service animal with no issue fitting inside.

There is no way a horse-sized duck would benefit in any way because I have owned ducks, and they are messy enough when they are little. If the duck was the size of a horse, it would be the messiest animal ever since they cannot control their poop.

You wouldn’t want to take a horse sized duck anywhere and walk behind it the whole time to be prepared to clean up after it. If you don’t take your horse-sized duck anywhere, then it will be sad and lonely and die.

Ducks enjoy human companionship and to fly/run around freely. If your duck is the size of a horse, they can do a lot of damage just by landing after they have flown. Also, when I owned ducks, they liked to wonder off and peck at their reflections in cars, so just imagine.

Clearly, a duck-sized horse is the absolute favorite over a horse-sized duck. If you think otherwise, you are asking for mass chaos and a harder, less enjoyable life.

 

Horses Aren’t All They’re Quacked up to Be
by Kyle Harper

When faced with the classic debate of picking between a duck-sized horse or a horse-sized duck, the obvious choice is the horse-sized duck. Ducks are a superior animal for quite a few reasons.

First, let’s talk about the general attitude of ducks. Ducks receive a bad reputation from their less-friendly bird brethren: the goose. Geese are indeed a menace on mankind with their excessive honking and aggressive nature. However, ducks are relatively friendly. A horse-sized duck would make a suitable mount and would be ever faithful to a cause of your choosing.

On the other hand, horses have been known to be relatively aggressive. According to Riders4Helmets, there were about one hundred horse-related deaths in the United States. According to AP News, ducks have only been responsible for about forty deaths since 1999.

Ducks are also helpful for the environment they inhabit. According to HGTV, ducks eat several harmful insects such as spiders, flies, grub, and more. Imagine how many pests a horse-sized duck could eliminate.

Finally, ducks appear more aesthetic than horses. Ducks can have several different color patterns that please the eye. Horses do not share in the same color palette as a duck, and they suffer for it. A green horse would look silly, but the color works well on a mallard. Also, if horse-sized ducks exist then we would have at least pony-sized ducklings. Would you rather stick with an extra-large, floofy duckling, or would you want to settle for a tiny horse?