Emotions are often wished a way…

I wish I wasn’t sad.

I wish I wasn’t angry.

I wish I could control my emotions.

Sadly, some wishes are fulfilled until no emotions are felt any more.  They have a psychology word for it dissociation. It is extremely unhealthy.  It is grey and nothing.

I fenced myself in until I became my own prisoner

The first several years of counseling were spent identifying and connecting me to my emotions.  I struggled.  Years earlier one of my medical doctors told me I was depressed and didn’t know it.  I was furious.  I knew what depression was and I WASN’T DEPRESSED.  Needless to say, that doctor and I soon parted.  In counseling as my therapist observed my reactions, or lack of, he asked me about how I felt about things.  I was always puzzled.  What did emotion have to do with anything?  I described the earlier interaction with the medical doctor.  My therapist asked, “Do you ever feel angry then don’t do anything about it?” My quickly replied, “Almost everyday.”  I was then informed that was depression.  I was stunned.  I had no idea that stopping my anger was a form of depression.  With further questions I figured out that the emotion I called depression was actually despair.  I really was depressed and had no idea what it was.

Searched for and found the link… http://thewriterscaravan.tumblr.com/search/emotion

The above quote caught my eye on Facebook.  PTSD Support and Recovery is a group in Facebook that shares different ideas on PTSD and improving your life.  It described the importance of emotion and what my counselor tried to do with me.  He understood that emotion was essential to me engaging and connecting with my family that I loved very much.  I loved them but couldn’t express it.  Emotions color our world with all the lights and shadow to create something beautiful.