Money…
It’s important to most women. A majority of us need to feel like we are going to be financially secure within a relationship. The idea of venturing into a marriage with a brotha who is not financially stable is scary for the most part.
Now, I have realized a couple things. Sistas, take notes because this might change how you view brothas who you deem “broke”.
Let me break it down for you. I put “broke brothas” into three categories:
Broke dreamers. These brothas are really hopeful and bright eyed. They are hard workers and always on the grind. You will find them doing random jobs or working on some “big idea”. They have goals and aspirations but can’t seem to get it movin’. He would give you the world if he could. One thing to remember is that you will always have to have a steady job if you decide to stick it out with one of these brothas. Most of them are sincere, honest and trying their best. They just can’t focus and get to where they want to be. You just need to realize and expect tough times. Sometimes they just need a sista who can give them direction. If you are up for the challenge there are many of them lurking around. I advise you to determine what he wants out of life before starting a relationship.
Broke smarties. These brothas are the ones who are in school. I’m talking about the future engineers, doctors and intellectuals. These brothas have A LOT of potential. Most of them are turned off by the idea of marriage because they know they aren’t stable enough to support a wife and potential family. Also, they have been rejected by many sistas because they ain’t got no money. Most want to be married but remain single due to the financial constraint. His money is going elsewhere right now. College tuition, textbooks and ramen noodles are just to name a few. He’s broke as a joke. He wants to be married. He’s just waiting for that one sista who will see past his bank account. They are lurking all over campuses and MSA’s (Muslim Student Assocation). You might even find one in your local library gettin’ his study on. If you have the ability to be patient with a brotha you might be able to benefit from him later on. Remember what I said earlier. Don’t block love. Also, best believe once he graduates those sista will be on him!
Broke jokers. Now these brothas right here… They have been broke a long time. VERY LONG… What makes this bad is that he is perfectly comfortable being broke. They are always scheming and trying to come up with a cheap way to make money. These are the brothas who might take you out and if you pay for dinner they wouldn’t budge. They pretend like they have more money than they actually do. More than likely they will have the latest kicks on and their rims will be shining. They are show offs. Flaunting around the little money they got. Sistaqueen, it’s all a facade. ALL OF IT. It’s easy to get stuff on credit. Remember that.
This gives you something to think about. Look at each case individually. Sistaqueens, also remember never be 100% financially dependent on a man. Even if you marry someone who is really banking remember that money can disappear just as quickly as it was made.
Make your own way.
Don’t follow his.
MUSLIMnLOVE 
I looooved this! Your breakdown was right and exact! I am really feeling a brother who is a broke dreamer. I thought at first this was a serious flaw on his part. The jury is still out… but his passion and sincerity are undeniable… with brothers like him,we must be careful to not throw out the baby with the bathwater, so to speak.
well analysed sista 😉
Remarkable insight to match talented writing skills. Thank you for this, sista. Make dua for this brotha on his own search 🙂
Thanks for reading KS! I will keep you in my dua. Hope to hear from you again. It’s nice to get a brothas perspective. It keeps my outlook balanced. 🙂
well said Sista 🙂
Thanks for reading Negina! 😀
A little rationality lifts the quality of the debate here. Thanks for cogiributtnn!
Saalaam sister, you have SUCH a great blog! I hope you find what you’re looking for in your quest. And keep posting these great pieces! Definitely helps to see others going through the same thing 🙂 x
Wasalam LeFaz! Thanks for taking the time to read! I hope others can relate to what I am writing. 🙂 Hope to hear from you again inshAllah!
so basically all I hear in this article says that women judge I’m brother by how much money he has. and then complain when men judge them based on looks alone. seems quite a double standard!
Salam Brothaman Mohammad, First off, thanks for taking the time to read my blog! I think it is rather unfortunate that’s all that you gathered from this post. The point was actually NOT to judge a brotha by his financial status. Notice how I threw in brothas who are in school and those who are still working on plans. If anything I think it’s important to give these brothas a chance. Wouldn’t you agree?
The funny thing is, I don’t consider the students broke. …maybe that’s because I just got done being a student last year, 9 years after I graduated from high school and three degrees later. I agree with you…it’s fairly shortsighted to rule out these men just because they’re students and don’t have money now. Of course not. It takes money to make money, and especially for future physicians, a job is guaranteed! Financial security is not a milestone, it’s a journey that an individual or couple has to make together. I think group 2 have the most promise because not only do they have a dream, they have put in the footwork and the monetary investment to get there.
As one who has once upon a time married a broke student with a “guaranteed job”, I find that these types are very self centered. You tend to bankroll them the entire duration of their study, and simultaneously have to deal with lonliness. Their retort is “you knew what it was when you married me”, and would rather end a marriage than to fix one, while in their studying stage. Who is to say they are BEST out of all three???? I am here to tell you for one, that they are NOT.
Phnnomeeal breakdown of the topic, you should write for me too!
On point as usual. This is a reality, it may not be a showstopper for some but its worth addressing. I would think brothers would appreciate the distinction rather than being lumped together and classified as a “broke brotha” without any variables being addressed.
Definitely great not to lump all of US broke guys together :P. lol. That last category is synonymous with “nigga’. Facts.
Come on now Shaybah! Now you know a sista has to categorize brothas to a certain extent 😛 All jokes aside, I am giving ya’ll broke brothas a chance. Minus the “broke jokers”. Ain’t nobody got time for dat! Thanks for reading, please subscribe. 😉
Salaam sis, I can respect the analysis, especially being an upcoming grad student myself.
The question I have for you is what type of sisters do you think should not get married? We usually hear about brothers who shouldn’t get married, mostly about financial stability. We don’t get to hear about unqualified sisters much. I would be very interested to hear your thoughts. Sorry for the long post 🙂
Mujahid
Asaalamu alaikum Mujahid! First off, thanks for taking the time to read my blog. I appreciate it. 🙂 You bring up a good topic and I will write about that. Of course since I am a sista sometimes my perspectives can be biased. That why I need you, and other Brothas, to keep me balanced. Look for that post in the next couple weeks inshAllah! Please subscribe 😉
I’m a brotha – and I endorse this message. 🙂 This is true regardless of race or class really. I think the key take-away though is the last paragraph – as a woman, it is important for you to be independent to have your own money and/or hobbies. It is equally important that you know the vision (short and long-term) of the man you are interested in. Don’t settle, if he is vague then he either doesn’t know…..or is looking for you to help him figure it out. The first is a warning sign, the second could be the start of a good partnership. There is one other category though that was missing:
Broke – n Brothas: These are brothas that are easily financially stable (or not, see above categories) but have due to life lost a legitimate loving relationship and are trying to start over. And no, I am not talking about some divorcee who cheated on his 1st wife here…..I’m talking about a person who loved and lost whether through death or through no fault of his own. They have experience and a heart and could use acknowledgement too.
Thanks for stopping by Alan! I agree with you. I think it’s very important for women to be independent and assess a brotha in regards to his goals. As women, I think we get so emotionally involved that we tend to make excuses for men. Personally, I will work with a brotha who has solid goals. If I see the potential I will jump on it. I think you have to look at each case individually. You are right, I did miss a category. Forgive a Sistaqueen. 🙂
See it is funny. I am pretty sure I fall into the second category. Though I don’t lurk the MSA at my school. My mom basically tells me I have no chance until after I graduate because no one would want a guy still in school. However, at this point I am almost like if I graduate before I find a sister…. then whats the point. She wasn’t there during my struggle but she should be reaping me rewards? I think I am bitter and don’t even know it.
Many sisters would marry a brotha who is still in school. That’s the Sudanese side of her talking (believe me I know, my father is from Sudan). A brotha is not going to meet all his goals at such a young age. Like I’ve said in the post, pay attention to what he is working towards!
Thank you for this blog I came across last night. One thing many of us forgive how culture and one nationality plays a part in one’s Islam. There is only one Quran, but ethnicity and nationality is important as long as it does not get in the way of our Islam. Many time Muslims who either came to American from another country or first generation American born Muslims with close family tides don’t understand when it comes for finding a spouse the challenges either reverts or American born Muslims who may not necessary have a close or any other family Muslim members (Whites, African-American, Latinos) who are Muslim. To add, sistas can’t marry non-Muslims. And as SistaGirl Ihssan pointed out, this is doubly true for African-American Muslim women, Some of us have our stuff together. Some of us are very humbling and pious. But we still have to maintain a certain level of strength and confidence (I call this SistaGirlism) because of the issues we exclusively have to deal with being a black woman.
I will add, I am very patient, opened minded and know ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE THROUGH ALLAH AND GIVE HIM ALL THE PRAISE. So I am just working on strengthening my Deen, practicing my Arabic, improving my patient skills, doing acts of kindness as much as possible, while trusting in ALLAH.
Thank you again, sista!!!!!!!