I’ve been living in my head the past couple of weeks. How is it possible to feel stuck and at the same time feel like you are unwittingly being propelled forward but not on you own volition? Are these the markings of a midlife crisis? 

Midlife crisis.

Maybe this is it. Maybe this is why I have been questioning every single life choice I have made for the past 25 years. Thinking about all the times I could have said yes and all the other time I should have said no. Life would have been so different.

Different.

Is that what I really want? The notion of overhauling this life that I have that is the cumulative result of all the yes and no decisions I have made in the past? Or do I love this life but I just want to experience some things a little more?

More. 

Always wanting more is a natural human reaction to progression. The very tenet of #goals. But is more better? How does one know if what we have is enough? How do we know when to stop when truly, we feel like this is just the beginning? Or how do we know if this is the end – the end product that we have doggedly worked for? 

Where do we look for all the answers to these questions? Or will these questions answer themselves as time unravels?

How do I get outside of my head? How do I layout all the jumbled thoughts, hopes, dreams, ambitions, regrets, plans in a strategic and practical way that I can make sense out of all these and put them to good use?

In the meantime, I will stay here. In my head. And try to make sense of all the voices and noises that may or may not be welcome.

Welcome.

To my messy mind.

And my messy life.

And how are you today?