There are two new tracks in the Collaborations player to the right. The `☁ Twobob ☁` track is a riot of fun – even if I do say so myself. Go on click the arrow – have a listen while you read!
`☁ Twobob ☁` is one of those creative geniuses who hangs around Soundcloud. He has 135 (and steadily increasing) tracks on his Soundcloud page, including 63 free downloads. He also gives away original stems to feed the voracious hunger of deejays and sound creators who are always on the prowl for something new. Matt (Twobob’s ‘other’ name) also mixes and remixes a range of voices from the Soundcloud community, and masters tracks – including a weekly radio show, which you can listen to on his MixCloud site.
I’d heard Matt’s work, contacted him and suggested we do a track together. It was January. I was in the blahs. Our email exchange had discussed laughter as a cure-all medicine. I suggested we do a funny track, something to make people laugh. We discussed the concept a little, and meanwhile….
….I received an email* from my mother; a collection of true stories taken from American courts. I split a gut laughing when I read it, and thought it might be food for thought for our collaboration, so did two recordings of myself reading them, the first where I couldn’t stop laughing and the second which I read dead-pan. I also made a laugh track and sent the 3 tracks to `☁ Twobob ☁` saying: “Maybe you can do something with this.”
Twobob feat Alison Boston – Sexually Active (Fun Rock Mix) is the result. It works! It does exactly what I wanted it to do. It makes me laugh, and makes others laugh as well. So go on, have a listen and a giggle – perfectly innocent! I promise you won’t be embarrassed – he has titled it as cleverly as he has mixed it!
Click here to listen to Sexually Active on Soundcloud
Click here to visit `☁ Twobob ☁` on Soundcloud
PrimordialNotas
The next track – PrimordialNotas – is my second collaboration with Piero Pizzul, an Italian producer and musician living on Naxos. Shortly after we finished Fly to Absentia, Piero sent me a track mixed with my spoken word track Thank You.
I felt Piero’s instrumental track needed something more elegant and sophisticated. Also Phil, of Night Network had just done a chill out mix of Thank You that I really liked and I didn’t want to pull attention from his work.
- My original artwork for PrimordialNotas
So I went through my poetry and notes and came up with the text PrimordialNotas. It’s a composite of a poem written while living in Ottawa in 1989 (the date says, though I think it was more like 1987) and notes for poetry compiled while listening to Hungarian jazz musicians in Budapest (2004). I recorded the text over Piero’s track, sent it back, he mixed it, sent it back, we refined the arrangement – and voilà – PrimordialNotas was born.
Click here to listen to Primordial Notas on Soundcloud
Click here to visit Piero Pizzul on Soundcloud
JOKES
*Now here’s that joke email my mother sent – I split a gut laughing reading the jokes again today! They are so crazy!
___________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No , I just lie there.
___________________________
Galawebdesign Image via Wikipedia
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. (There is more than one version of this book published, and don’t know which this comes from, so am unable to credit.)
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said , ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_____________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the mpact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do..
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes , voodoo.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid.
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Related articles
- Soundcloud encoding is ruining my mixes… (gearslutz.com)
- My tracks on Soundcloud (enricator.wordpress.com)
- Last Goodbye – Jacob Western Remix – Soundcloud (gearslutz.com)
- FEATURE // DAILON :: “As The Veil Dissolves” (unifiedfunkoption.com)
- Busy busy busy on Soundcloud (alisonamazed.wordpress.com)
- Owsey (O-Zee) (muzikmantra.com)
Alison Amazed 
Leave a comment