4 Things You Should Never (Ever) Talk About On a First Date

This was originally published on eHarmony’s blog.

If you’ve been single for a while, you’re probably used to the first date dance by now: he asks where you’re from originally, you ask about his job. He asks if you prefer red or white wine, you ask about his hobbies. It usually feels like the same ole’ conversation just with a different person, unless you stumble across a truly magical (and rare!) amazing date.

It gets really old, we know. And it can be tempting to rock the boat and bring up some interesting conversation starters to get the banter flowing.

But while you’re doing the get-to-know one another tango, it’s important to not step on one another’s toes – or the possibility of a second date or relationship – by bringing up any of these five conversations on a first date:

The One About Exes

This one feels like a no-brainer, right? But get a glass of Merlot in you and suddenly, you have the urge to tell that one story about that one time that your ex and you did something…completely unrelated to your first date with a new guy. Discussing the past so early into a could-be relationship is like throwing water on a flame that’s barely starting to fluster. While it’s natural to have thoughts about your exes from time-to-time while dating (everyone compares!), opening up that floodgate brings up a guy’s insecurities, jealousies, and possibly encourages him to talk about ex-girlfriends, too.

When to talk about it: A few months down the line, when you’ve made it official already.

The One About the Future

Okay, okay, okay, we’ve all been on a really killer first date and allowed ourselves to retreat to never-never land with visions of white lace and blue-eyed babies. (And fine, monograms, too.) But here’s the thing: before you put the cart way ahead of the horse, take a breather and savor the moment of the first date. If he does happen to be the guy you’ll spend forever-and-ever with, this is your last first date… ever. So enjoy it! Hold onto to those moments of awkwardness and sweet tension, and don’t bring up where he sees himself in a few years. Or if he wants children. Or about his plans. The discussion about what’s next will eventually come (it has to) but for now, focus on how cute that dimple is on his left cheek and how your heart races when he brushes by your hand.

When to talk about it: About six or seven dates in.

The One About Money

Depending on how old you are, finding a partner with a steady financial future might be at the top of your list. But if we’re honest, nothing takes the fun, energy or romance out of a good date like dropping the ‘how much do you make in a year?’ or ‘do you eventually want to buy a home of your own?’ question prematurely. And excuse us, but it might come across as a little gold-digger instead of potential girlfriend material. While you might be curious to see just how much student debt he’s in or what you might be getting yourself into, keep the topic of money off the table until you’ve had a chance to see if you want a second date. Plus – you’re just fine without him, you don’t need his paycheck to have a good time, do you?

When to talk about it: After you’re officially dating.

The One About Families

You might talk about how many siblings you have in a cute ‘You’re such a middle child!’ kind of way, but bringing up heavy family topics (like sickness or feuds) is too personal for the first date. While it might not seem like a big deal to you, family matters are intimate details that shouldn’t be shared with just anyone. In fact, you should earn a spot in each other’s lives where trust is fostered before you bring up things that are possibly emotional. Keep the first date to lighthearted matters and save the heavy stuff for when you’re falling in love.

When to talk about it: After you’re officially dating.