For this task I was to critique a class members own article and have somebody else review mine too.

This is Brandon Bisson’s article that he made up for his digital communication blog.

The title/headline sentence is 25 words. I feel this could be shorter and some of the information could be stated in the opening paragraph instead. If he cut it down to just the ‘Who’ and the ‘What’ is would be shorter and snappier. For an online article the intro should be short and include key words so it will be easy to search for. The illness at the end of the sentence doesn’t make much sense.

The next paragraph says the only child has spoken to them exclusively and implies in-depth, however there is just one short quote stating what we already know from the intro.

The article gives the information of where he contracted the disease and about the company that freezes people but doesn’t describe about Walt Disney and his direct involvement, it only implies. To me the closing paragraph is just a related fact and doesn’t bring the story to a close.

Here is the peer critique from Lewis Griffin about my article:

“Elaborate more on the abbreviations, and maybe go into more detail having longer paragraphs. I think it fits the inverted pyramid quite well and doesn’t have any unrelated information included.”