irish family oldI was only having a bite to eat, when I caught wind of an exchange between two men sitting at the table close by. “He left the wife for her” one said. “Sure who could blame him?” said the other. “Hard for the youngsters” one said. “Well sure as long as he’s happy” the other said, and on it went.

And what can you say to that? Little I suppose, for as we know well, the world has become a very different place in the past fifty years. Expectations have shifted and values are given a certain twist to justify all kinds of actions. All in all, however, something is not right. Most people can see that, in conscience at least, if not in mind. So here goes, let me explain…

A man and a woman complement each other. They are meant to be together. There is a physical, emotional and spiritual complementarity that is intrinsic to humanity. This complementarity is undeniable and obvious. When a man and woman come together in marriage they form an unbreakable bond that will echo in eternity. They solidify a union where each person says to the other “I will not leave you, I will stay with you no matter what. I will lead you to perfection and Christ, I will protect your dignity and worth, I will provide for your emotional and spiritual needs and I will serve them. You are mine and I will not let you be taken. You will achieve eternity, even if it means my life.”

And this is it. Simple and sound! So what is going on here? What is being missed? What is a man’s duty to a woman?

There is no greater travesty in this world and there is nothing less masculine than a man who refuses to commit to the woman God has given to him to walk the earth with, to lead, protect and provide for. There is nothing more cowardly than for a man to walk away from the duty and responsibility he has vowed. Equally, there is nothing less masculine than a refusal to commit. To communicate to a woman, “I will live with you, I will have children with you but I will not commit to you in marriage” is so unmanly it is perverted. Some people call it a trial marriage or relationship. In other words, “I will try you out, see what you’re like and if you don’t suit me you can hit the road or I can walk away?” Listen up! These are the thoughts of an adolescent, not a man. They are caused by the continued attraction to a life of pleasure and a rejection of a life of meaning, accepting a life for self and saying “no” to a life for another.

When a man and woman become married, they create a union which is designed from the beginning of time to be a center of nurturance and assured protection for children to grow physically, emotionally and spiritually where each partner is so dedicated to the other that the bond ensures children receive, in equal measure, that complementarity which enables them to grow into healthy men and women. The masculine and the feminine offer very unique and distinct attributes. The giving, strength of the father complements the receiving, nurturance of the mother. There is no greater or more beautiful connection for the prosperity of children than the giving nature of the family.

In the midst of this family is the man. Masculine strength and feminine strength are complementary but different in nature, equally beautiful and mysterious and offering qualities essential to the family connection.

As a man it is my duty to love my wife. When I see her I see, not myself, but her needs. I desire her good, to support her emotionally through trials and work, to direct her spiritually toward heaven, to prayer, to Christ and His Church. My duty is to first provide her the surety of my commitment. I say to her :

“I will stay with you no matter what, even when we get old, even if we do not get along, even if life becomes so hard it causes me to fall. If we have children I will be there to support you and provide them a safe unbreakable family to grow in health. I commit by marriage because anything else is holding myself back and to hold back is the opposite of masculinity. It is not being a man. A man’s duty is to give.”

Next, within that commitment I will work hard, for marriage is a challenge and while it is enriching and filled with joy it can also be a struggle. Still, it is a struggle we face together. I will vow that no matter what emotion emerges in me I will never allow it to divert me from my mission as a man to guide our marriage through the most turbulent of waters to heaven.

Now let me tell you a little about emotions and feelings. While emotions are very human and can be very good, they can also be deceptive and are potentially very dangerous. They may require a great might to resist, a battle of epic proportions sometimes for a man to overcome and be victorious. There will always be emotions, which tempt us away from our duties as men. Emotions are good but if they ever encourage us to turn our faces away, from the women or children our lives are devoted to, then they are wrong and should be resisted with all our masculine might. It is no joke that I call it a battle for the souls of men are at stake.

What is more masculine – The man who gives in to his emotions, or the man that can feel them and still say “no”? If a man cannot say “no” then he is addicted and must fight ever harder and seek out answers and solutions. He is not free, but enslaved.

A man’s duty to a woman is to love her, and not only his wife, but also the dignity of all women who are the greatest and most beautiful, the pinnacle of all God’s creation. There is nothing in the material world that is more magnificent than woman and God emphasizes this by placing a woman, His mother Mary, in highest position above all created things. Man must respect and nurture that beauty, protecting it against all attacks that seek to dehumanize her (abortion), degrade her (sex trafficking), and reduce her to the position of object (pornography). We must give our lives to defend our women, wives, daughters, mothers, sisters and female friends above even ourselves as people and provide them the freedom to be the holy, motherly bearers of humanity that they are created to be.

Protect your women, protect your children with them, and give your life to provide them with the union they require for the protection of their children – marriage. In Christ we trust!

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