I sat at a beach pavilion picnic table soaking in some warm sun as my children played in a splash pad in the distance. I felt totally at peace, surrounded by all of God’s beauty, and as if it were created solely for my viewing, I drank in the view greedily. The breeze blew gently to keep me from getting too hot, a small smattering of fluffy clouds danced across the pristine, blue sky, and the roar of the ocean in the background was my perfect soundtrack to the salty smell of the air and blanket of tranquility that lay upon my shoulders. The girls’ laughter as they flitted through the sprays of water only added to my joy. I sighed in contentment.
As I gazed around the beachside park, soaking in the beauty around me, my eyes stopped on a toe-headed toddler taking snacks from his mother’s hand. He grinned while he chewed hungrily, and my own smile spread double in size at that precious, special child. With his flattened facial profile and upward slanted eyes, it was unmistakable that he held a chromosomal abnormality. He had Down Syndrome.
I’m not sure specifically what it was within me, but my heart was drawn to beautiful girls and boys like this one. Over twenty years ago I had felt something akin to a calling, like the Lord was giving me a heart to work with children with this particular condition. I was in nursing school at the time, and I wondered if God held in the future for me a nursing position that would involve Down Syndrome patients. I didn’t know. I still don’t. Nursing has taken me a lot of places, and perhaps it will still take me there. What I do know is that since that time I feel like I have an insight for these wonderful souls, like a pane of glass is over their heart, and I am gifted a small glimmer of what’s inside. Maybe that is all I am called to. Perhaps I am simply drawn by what I can see.
When I was pregnant with my own daughters I was offered the chance of genetic testing. The first couple of times I took it, feeling certain that it would benefit me. I was aware that far too many women took the results of such testing to help guide their decision of pregnancy termination. And while I had never walked in those shoes, the ones where the doctor comes into the room with downcast eyes and grim prognoses, I did feel like I knew what I would do regardless of outcome. I would choose life. Every time. Perfect life, despite any imperfections. I told myself the testing would give me a head’s up for what difficulties might lie ahead, but I never felt like it would change my mind about anything.
I have never had a child with special needs. So I don’t know the trials that come with that particular road. I don’t claim that I do. I just feel in my heart that cutting short the life of what society deems less than the best genetically is a mistake. I have seen inside their heart. Remember?
God showed me.
Some people wonder quite often, why me? Or, why him? Why her? Why do innocent children get Down Syndrome? I asked God about that a long time ago.
I don’t believe God intended Down Syndrome, and that’s not in any way meant to take away from the awesomeness of these special human beings. I just mean that a lot of things (most things) in this world are not what God intended in those early days of creation. When sin entered the world it mucked a bunch of things up, and from that moment God began the plan to make things the way they were before sin in the Garden.
So, why didn’t an omniscient God just magically poof things back to perfect? Well, you remember that thing about free will? God could have taken control and fixed everything (and sometimes I wish He did), but that would have made us like His robot children, following only the program He made, with little to no chance to grow into the wonderful, loving, feeling, passionate beings He designed us to be. To have our personalities He built for us to move into, we had to have a choice. Otherwise we’d just be drones, remotely controlled by our designer.
We chose sin thousands of years ago, and God has been moving to free us from sin ever since. He paved a way, but it’s our choice to pick that path. Our ability to choose makes us real, not computer programs. Jesus is the way to get past what sin brought to this world, and though an eternity without sin (and all its baggage) awaits us, for now, on this earth, sin remains so we can lead each other to the decision of salvation. Remember, free will is the only way.
So because of sin making things less than ideal, we have sickness. We have childhood cancer, elderly dementia, and everything in between. Our hearts give out, our bones break, and our babies form in many different ways within the womb. God didn’t originally design that any of His children should struggle through the life He created, but because of sin, we do. He has promised eternal life without struggle, sickness, imperfection, or death, but until then… here we are.
They can see me in a way you cannot yet. They have an intimate connection with me here on earth that you won’t see until Heaven. I have given them this gift of truly knowing me now.
This was what I felt the Lord speak to my heart as I marveled at a teenager with Down Syndrome at the altar. I had been at a youth conference of sorts, and a large group of us were gathered in the auditorium for worship. Of note, I loved worship. Still do. And I don’t feel as if I am hampered by the world from partaking in it. Yet, this young man went beyond the curtain, straight to the throne room. He had run up to the altar from the back of the room, and as he fell on his knees in unadulterated worship before the altar, the countenance of God beamed from His face. I was certain, at that moment, that he could see the face of God. He was able to enter into communion with the Lord in a way I could only hope to one day obtain. Nothing held him back from loving his King. Nothing. He was joy, at that moment. He was love.
I believe that even individuals with Down Syndrome who have not had the opportunity to hear and accept Jesus are still gifted with this intimacy with Him. Look at any you encounter. They are not held back like most of us. They love others with their entire heart. They forgive completely. They give of themselves. They desire relationship, and once they love you, they love you exponentially. Forever.
When I saw inside their hearts, I saw love. I saw God. God is love, and I believe the children who cannot outwardly, fully speak their thoughts and hearts, are capable of feeling the love of God in a way we cannot even begin to fathom. They are given the appetizer before we all eat the meal. They are shown a pre-screening of the greatest show of all times! And when I looked at that toe-headed toddler chewing his puffs, that is what I felt. Love. It emanated from his every fiber. I had spent the entire day astounded by the beautiful creation surrounding me, but none held a candle to that little boy.
*I felt some concern tackling this topic that I wouldn’t do it justice. So I apologize where my words lack, but I felt led to share it.
Dave says
God works in mysterious ways His wonders to perform! Everything the world proclaims as the way to succeed is totally opposite to how God tells us what real success is! We can learn a lots from people that the world would consider impaired! I have had various extremely disabled people teach me how to love and be thankful for something I take for granted! I’m sorry these folks have these various conditions whether born that way or some terrible accident or disease afflicted them but they have a lot to offer us so called “normal people” if we take time to notice them, listen to them and react if there is a need we can fill!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Yes! ☺️
Holli says
We are friends with 2 families who both have a child with down’s syndrome. They are beautiful children and we are better because of them!! Our friend, the mama of one of the sweet children wrote a book called, “Chosen for Charlie.” It’s a beautiful story you might want to check out! jenforsthoff.com Have a blessed day!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Awesome. Thanks for the suggestion!
Darlene says
This is an amazing article. You have put into words what I have never been able to express about people with Down’s. As I read your works I kept saying to myself “Yes, that is so true”. People with Down’s are amazing! I am an RN and have worked with Special needs individuals on and off for the past 30 years. You can learn so much from them. I have also worked with the elderly and we can learn so much from them too. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much. God bless you!