by Maureen Velile Majola

A statement many feminine lesbians have heard.

A lot of butch lesbians don’t wanna be touched and we find that they get judged and called all sorts of names because of this.

I’ve heard feminine lesbians complaining about their butch partners who just don’t want to be touched. They make false accusations on why they don’t want to be touched and they never really take time to ask: Why they don’t want to be touched?

Now I took some time to think about this and actually looked at the world we live in and try to map out why Feminine lesbians have so many issues about butch lesbians who don’t want to be touched. I spoke to a few femmes who clearly stated that they will not date butch lesbians who don’t want to be touched on their genitals. Some of them actually went to an extend of making these false accusations “if she doesn’t want to be done, it means she sleeps with men or she’s trying to be a men”

As many of us know there’s a high rate of sexual violence in South Africa and a lot of butch lesbians have been victims of this. I am not justifying them not wanting to be touched with sexual violence but this is something we should think about before concluding about the different reasons for not wanting to be done.

I personally have dated these butch lesbians that don’t want to be touched and I have come to understand their reasoning. At the beginning I also made accusations and said a lot of negative things. I even went to an extent of convincing them that they are missing out on something. I have actually manipulated some into allowing me to do them. It took me months of convincing and using my charm to make them believe they also needed me to perform this sexual act on them.

Well some liked it and carried it on to their relationship while others still feel its not for them and I have no issues with that.

Sexual pleasure comes in many forms, one doesn’t need to be penetrated or touched on their genitals to have an orgasm. Sexual intercourse is more of a mental and emotional thing than physical thing. We all get pleasure from different things and positions, I have come to understand my own sexual preference and had an opportunity to be honest with myself and realize what I really needed to be fully satisfied.

In our relationships we need to be honest and say what we want and how we want it. Honesty is the only thing that can save and make us less judgmental of our fellow mates. In discussions with feminine lesbians I realized that we lack communication and we are too quick to judge. Now many of you who know me personally may not believe this as at times I come across as very masculine in feminine clothes *laughing* in honest truth I love being done. I want my partner to explore my body, travel on the different paths it has and not be intimidated by my strong character. Too often I use this character of mine to manipulate and make others feel shy around me, so when a person takes full control and challenges me, I get excited and that turns me on.

In the conversations I’ve had with black lesbians I realized that it is not everyone who has pleasure from being touched and not everyone wants to be touched. Some people get their pleasure from pleasing their partners and vice versa. We shouldn’t try to change the minds of those who don’t want this and if you can’t have sex with someone who is the giver, then I believe its best you part ways if you can’t compromise. Too often we leave the sex discussion to the last minutes when we actually having it. We start doing what we used to do in previous relationships which is not always what the new person wants.

I encourage everyone to talk about sex and actually describe what you want and just how you want it. This way everyone can be happy and sexually satisfied.

In it all we all have choices and relationships are a part of the choices we make as human beings.

And NO they not trying to be men nor are they trapped in wrong bodies but they just love giving pleasure and getting pleasure from giving it.

Previous articles by Maureen Velile

2012 March 20: There’s a strawberry garden between your legs
and

2013 March 14: Please don’t…
and
2012 December 27: on 2012 LGBTI Recognition awards
and

2013 Feb. 14: A love note for you


and
2013 Feb. 4:  The other me