Lai Nouveau – Dverse Poets – edit
24May 10, 2019 by petrujviljoen
the air, soft, a sigh,
stark against the sky –
eagle!
strobing, winging high
scrying on the fly
– regal.
scarred cliffs scoured, cry
of the hunt, the eye
needled, a prey to pry;
sound! it’s not awry!
thee will
forgive well the lie
and hold thee thereby
the quill.
stark against the sky
the air, soft, a sigh.
…
EDITED VERSION:
the air, soft, a sigh,
stark against the sky –
eagle!
Strobing, winging high,
scrying on the fly
– regal.
scarred cliffs scoured, cry
of the hunt, the eye
needled, a prey to spy;
krrark! It’s close hereby!
thou will
forgive well the pry
and hold thou thereby:
The quill.
stark against the sky
the air, soft, a sigh.
…
(I think it reads a bit better?)
….
Linked to Dverse Poets
petrujviljoen 
I like the edited version. I also like the contrast of the air being soft with the sounds of the eagle:
Strobing, winging high,
scrying on the fly
Thanks for participating in our poetry form challenge.
I like the first stanza a lot. I’m not sure I understand the second one entirely, but I like the connection of quill and the eagle. Nor am I ever sure about thee and thou.
Okay, thanks. I’m also unsure whether the two stanzas have anything in common actually. I just started writing, fairly desperate to get something down and one thing led to another (or didn’t). 🙂
That’s the problem with the form (or one of them). We obsess about the rhyme and the meaning goes out the window. Or it does when I try it.
I edited, won’t you have a look and see if it reads better? I think the two stanzas are a bit closer now? Same post, edited version underneath first.
Sure. Be right over.
I agree, it reads better and makes better sense. I’m not certain but I think you’re right to change thee for thou, thou, as I think I’ve read being the nominative form and thee the accusative.
Thanks. Looked it thee and thou and therefore … 🙂
There’s also some rule about thee being more formal than thou but I really don’t understand how to use these archaic forms. They’re slippery.
This is beautiful and your key lines so well chosen,- the air, soft a sigh! And the cover use of thee works well.
Thank you so much!
Beautifully written, love the imagery and the rhyme. Perfect Lai Nouveau.
Not sure the first and second stanzas are talking about the same thing though.
I like the connection of the feathers and the quill. It’s given me an image to think about for awhile. (K)
Does writing with the feather of an eagle beat writing with the feather of a swallow?
Any bird will do, even a goose…
Ha-ha-ha!
This looks very hard to do. I also like the eagle/regal. The rhythms remind me of flying, too.
Oh good! Thanks.
This fits the lai nouveau as I understand it. I like the “eagle/regal” rhyme. The first and last two lines stand out with the descriptive use of “stark”, “soft” and “sigh”. I like how “scrying on the fly” adds the main rhyme internally as well as at the end of the lines. Well done!
Thanks Frank. High praise! I’ve been dilly dallying with the form for days.
Frank, I edited. The second version is underneath the first in the same post. Won’t you have a look and see if it reads a bit better?
The second version reads smoother.
The word “pry” in this line “forgive well the pry” puzzles me. However, I liked the “krrark” in “krrark! It’s close hereby!”.
Thanks.