Billericay, (Pop: 40,000) affectionately known as ‘Shitsville’ by many, including this blogger, has come of age.
‘Bottoms Up’, the big wine merchant in the High Street closed down a while ago, you see. Signs in the window informed those interested that Coffee Republic was opening up in it’s place. Makes sense.
Coffee Republic did open up — just recently — although everyone was quite surprised when it used only half the real estate that Bottoms Up did.
Are you still with me? Ergo roughly 50% of the old Bottoms Up space was still available. Another shop! How exciting. In a town with a High Street filled with Estate Agents (I can name at least 8), Banks, Building Societies and, rather inexplicably, a Blockbusters*, a new shop opening up garners substantial excitement.
I’m delighted to announce that the new shop is: A small Carphone Warehouse.
It’s rather nicely appointed inside. All mod cons. Nothing like it’s disgusting Lakeside Store cousin (one of the shittest mobile phone shops I’ve ever been in). The best bit about Billericay’s new Carphone Warehouse? It’s got brand new plastic phones!
Geez the mobile phone buying experience nowadays is a pile of crap isn’t it? When geeks like me are getting a bit of excitement out of the same old range of handsets just because their plastic replicas are new. Oh dear.
Anyway I walked past the store this afternoon at about 4.30pm. I was surprised they were still open, it being a Sunday. Two brand spanking new staff, a man and a lady, were standing staring into space behind the counter. No one was in the shop. I felt sorry for them.
It’ll take a little while, I think, for the Billericans to adjust and start popping in.
The staff looked, from their posture, a tiny bit woeful. A tiny bit… disappointed… that I was walking straight on by. Felt sorry for ’em.
I felt that maybe I should have turned back, done the Good-Mobile-Phone-Samaritan and at least have walked in to ask if they have an N95, to be met with a ‘computer-says-no’ response.
Still. We in Billericay are delighted to have been upgraded by Carphone Warehouse to worth-having-a-store town status.
* I was having a meal at the Caffe Uno across the road from Blockbuster Video the other week and I was astounded to see people actually dropping off DVDs that they’d rented. You know, actually driving their car down to the High Street in the evening, parking and putting the DVD through the Blockbuster ‘quick drop-off’ letter box.
People still do this! I have to remember I’m a Class-A rated geek.
Who in their RIGHT MIND goes to a video rental SHOP and ponces about hunting for a DVD that’s AVAILABLE then pays THREE QUID for the privilege for the SODDING ARSE that is RETURNING IT. That’s a business dead on it’s feet. Still breathing. It’s an eighty year old, with a new hip, new liver and a 50-a-day habit.
Hm. What a mature post. If you don’t like Billericay that much, why not leave? Is it because you’re still living with your parents?
As one of those people who occasionally rents a DVD, one of the reasons is that I don’t want to be a part of the moral decline that is the increasing amount of piracy going on. If you don’t like the MPAA’s prices, just don’t buy.
Oh, and the possessive form of “it” does not take an apostrophe, so “its own Carphone Warehouse”.
Who affectionately calls Billericay 'Shitsville'??? U've clearly never lived anywhere else! Try travelling a little bit!
I think the point is, Brett, that until you've lived there you're not really entitled to call it that. I haven't, but do spend enough time there and around-abouts to confirm… it is grim.
I think the point is, Brett, that until you've lived there you're not really entitled to call it that. I haven't, but do spend enough time there and around-abouts to confirm… it is grim.
Who affectionately calls Billericay 'Shitsville'??? U've clearly never lived anywhere else! Try travelling a little bit!
I think the point is, Brett, that until you've lived there you're not really entitled to call it that. I haven't, but do spend enough time there and around-abouts to confirm… it is grim.
I think the point is Ben, if you've lived somewhere like Romford, or even Shenfield (god's waiting room) like I have, to live in Billericay is positively idylic. Billericay is not a big town so you should not expect to find night clubs or cinemas there. What you do have is plenty of pubs and restaurants, two decent supermarkets, some reasonably good schools and only 30 minutes by train from London. Not sure what you or Ewan expect from a small village (because that esentially is what it is) like Billericay???
Welcome to the Internet. Sometimes we do sarcasm here.
Oh really – do you? 😉