When most people think of Count Chocula, they think of a sugary kid’s cereal with loads of calories that will rot your teeth and make you fat. However, I’ve uncovered some startling new evidence that may…um, startle you.
Let’s look at the Count’s nutritional information. In one cup, we’ve got 120 calories, 1.5 g of fat, 1 g of fibre, and a long list of vitamins and minerals (only 8 are essential though, according to this box).
Let’s look at the nutritional information for an “adult” cereal that most would think is pretty healthy: Banana Nut Crunch. In one cup, we have 250 calories, 6.5 g of fat, 4 g of fibre, and only 3 vitamins and minerals.
So which cereal is more scaaaary? The Banana Nut Crunch is the one that will kill you. Count Chocula, on the other hand, will practically “suck” the fat right out of you with its low-calorie, low-fat goodness. It also tastes a lot better. There’s really no point in eating anything else, ever.
And look, it comes with this sweet-ass bike spinner! You’ll be the most radical kid in the neighbourhood with that on your bike.
General Mills should pay me for this.
Oh and Count Chocula has more friends, too. Nobody even knows what the hell a Banana Nut is, but look at this photographic evidence of the Count out on the town with other hot celebrities:
Boo Berry is even stoned. How cool is that?
And let’s not forget Chocula’s short-lived friend, Yummy Mummy. Her “monster mallows” will surely be missed.
Hmm. Were people oblivious to sexual innuendo in the 80’s, or did they just not care?
Ok, time for breakfast! BYE!!!
Phronk.com 
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