SEPTEMBER 14, 2012–MAKE AHEAD MUFFIN MELTS

This is a food post.  I promise.  See the eggs in the photo above.  I will talk about them.  But first. . .

Have you ever read a book that was mind numbing with stupidity and loved it?  Let me introduce you to a children’s book series called, “Hank the Cowdog.”  Hank is the head of Ranch Security, and takes his job seriously–which makes him seriously funny.  The Hank the Cowdog series contains incomplete circular reasoning, badly mangled poetry, a remarkable ablility to mix up the facts, and belly laughs.  How can something so stupid be so funny?  Let me give you some quotes.

“Doing nothing is something, but not much.” -Hank

“After a guy runs in circles for a while, he begins to lose his sense of direction.” -Hank

“After a brief mutiny of my mental faculties, I regained control of my ship.”-Hank

“When we’re feeling guilty about something, we tap our tails on the ground and give our people Looks of Purest Intentions.” -Hank

“Sunshine always seems to make the day seem brighter.” -Hank

“Boring personalities suffer from boredom.” -Hank

“I’m flatulent in many languages.” -Hank

“Too much brooding can ruin your digestion, and life without digestion is hard to swallow.” -Hank

“It doesn’t take any brains to be stupid.” -Hank

We don’t go on a road trip without a Hank the Cowdog tape or CD.  The author reads all the voices, and we alternatively roll our eyes or laugh until we cry at Hank and his side kick Drover.  “Oh, mah leg!!”

Now if there is one thing that Hank the Cowdog likes is eggs and (slurp) bacon.  And eggs and (slurp) bacon is what we are cooking up today.

Breakfast is my meal.  I love eggs every which way.  I love them in breakfast burritos, poached on toast, in a veggie omelet (with {slurp} bacon), in a basket (a.k.a. egg in a hole), and I love, love, love Huevos Rancheros, and of course with (slurp) bacon.  So I knew I would love PW’s MAKE AHEAD MUFFIN MELTS (pg.12)  (slurp, slurp)

Hard boil some eggs.  They take about 15 minutes to fully cook.  Use this time to rummage around your cupboard and frig and freezer.  I always hope I will miraculously see something that will inspire me to cook, but I just see the same stuff that I bought.  I always hope that I will find a secret chocolate stash that I forgot about or that some truffle oil will magically appear.  I scan the freezer for a NY strip steak or beef tenderloin I never can afford to buy.  Or look in the frig for a garden ripen tomato in February, or peaches in November.  And after I scan everything, I go and make eggs.  Because eggs always taste good.  They feel like a whole meal.   They take no remembering to defrost, or an hour for dough to raise, or 45 minutes of chopping.  Fifteen minutes and they are on the table.  Plus.  They are really cheap.–not to be confused with cheep.

The Case of the Tender Cheeping Chickies (2006)

Hank runs into a dispute with a giant bullfrog over the Emerald Pond. Then, there’s a battle with a…Monster. It’s too scary to tell what kind of monster it is! However, things get really tough when Hank is entrusted with the job of guarding Little Alfred’s soon-to-be prize winning chicks. They’re cute, but they also look delicious! Will Hank be able to put aside his doggie instincts or will his appetite finally get the best of him?

Peel the hardboiled eggs.  Now hard boiled eggs remind me of Deviled Eggs, and Deviled Eggs remind me of church picnics, and I was always afraid to say the words, “Deviled Eggs” at church picnics.  Hank the Cowdog also occasionally has encounters with church ladies.  All I will say is, “”It’s always nice to share the blame with someone else.” -Hank

Roughly chop up the hard boiled eggs.  As Hank the Cowdog says, “”The best cure for a broken heart is a dozen eggs.” -Hank

Someone or something has been robbing eggs from the chicken house. Hank stakes out the chicken house and to his surprise sees a fiddle-playing fox hop in with the hens, play them some hot fiddle music, and then accept several fresh eggs as his payment! Instead of arresting Frankie the Fox, Hank joins forces with him to try and win the heart of Beulah the Collie.

Add to the eggs some mayo, Dijon mustard, cheddar cheese, and (slurp) cooked and crumbled sausage.  You could also use (slurp) bacon.  As Hank the Cowdog says, “You should always listen to that still, small voice in your stomach.”

Load up some English muffins with this wonderful concoction and roast them under the broiler for about 3 to 4 minutes.  While you are waiting for the cheese to melt, let me tell you a little more about the author John Erickson.  Texas born and bred, he couldn’t wait to leave his small town.  New York called his name, so he worked there for two summers.  After studying  at both University of Denver and University of Texas at Austin, he headed up to Harvard.  Better check those Muffin Melts now, we don’t want them to burn.

The Muffin Melts need to cool just a bit before you can take a big bite out of them, so let me tell you a little more.  Once at Harvard, he realized that he was a Texan, and more importantly, that he wanted to be a Texan.  He said, [paraphrase] “In Boston I tried to wash all the country off me, and finally realized that I couldn’t wash the “country paint” off as it was my skin.”  My point is, that there is intelligence behind all the stupidity in his books.  As Hank the Cowdog says, “”Without language, we’d all be at a loss for words.”

Now.  Your Muffin Melt is probably cool enough to eat.  Enjoy (slurp, slurp)

Here’s a You Tube link for you to enjoy while you slurp away.  And remember that his books have been translated into Spanish, Danish, Chinese, and PERSIAN!!!

And although John Erickson has published over 77 books, he has never had a movie made from his books. . . . .until now!!!  This year (May 3, 2013) he is releasing his first movie–an animation of Hank the Cowdog.  Follow his blog.  Or. Visit the official Hank the Cowdog website.  And if you have the time, like him on Facebook.  As Hank the Cowdog said, “If you sit on the precious moments of this life, they won’t hatch out into something better.” -Hank

This girlie giggles when we listen.  And nothing is more fun than hearing your own girlie giggle.  There even is a coloring contest for kid WITH PRIZES.

For the kiddos that are a little older, there is a video contest.  Record yourself reading a Hank the Cowdog book!  Check it out.  And remember, “A dog has to be prepared for any contagency.” -Hank

–Rebecca

P.S.  The books are fun to read, but listening to the author read his books is the best.  Plus, the audio books all contain original songs.  This family sings, “We are cookies, and we want to be free. . .”