Early Retirement
So, without all of the drama that got me to this point, some of it documented here, obviously, I am disabled. The majority of the issues are physical and related to poor dietary choices, smoking, and of course, obesity. This makes me like the majority of the aging population of Capitalist America that denied these same people adequate access to medical care while corporations slowly made the food we consume increasingly less natural and thereby unhealthy. I didn’t realize before I began this process how many actions and behaviors of mine would come back to haunt me. Sure, I knew by the time I began smoking that it was harmful when my father died from complications of lung cancer less than six months after I made the conscious decision to start smoking. Nor am I referring to my obesity and sugar consumption because, again at an early age, I lost relatives from diseases related to morbid obesity. Instead, I am referring to economic and career decisions that I made, often under duress that ultimately will impact my social security benefit award. Californian’s were persuaded by the Gig Companys like Uber and Lift to classify not be held to the existing laws the state legislature enacted differentiating contractors from employees to pass a voter referendum also known as passing a ballot measure to allow this to happen. Instead of having to pay all of the associated taxes and regulatory fees, benefits, and minimum wage requirements do not apply when the employee is paid for their work.
This means the employee is supposed to run their job like a legitimate business where they keep track of ALL expenses and pay those very same regulatory fees. Many people are currently working as contractors who aren’t doing these things. Many of them do not realize that if they were to suddenly find themselves where I was this morning when I woke up, disabled and without an income. During the hearing, they would be asked about gaps in their social security payments or in some extreme cases why they haven’t ever made any. I worked contact Gig work for On-Force and Work Market which were the IT World’s equivalent of Uber and Lyft for the Maytag Repairmen. Thankfully, I could articulate and explain that this was my income source for the period leading up to when I became disabled. Thankfully, my records showed substantial payments before the Obama years.
I started the application process for Social Security on March 31, 2020. I had been in the hospital the previous month with cellulitis where the doctors had been talking about removing the next to smallest tarsal on the left. I left the hospital with a laundry list of serious health afflictions and specialists to keep me alive. Unfortunately, in September 2021, my housing became unstable again and in January 2022, I found myself at the shelter in Roseville. I had passed on an opportunity for a hearing by Zoom meeting because I wanted it to be in person. Being a diabetic with congestive heart failure and that laundry list is difficult under the best of circumstances and deadly under less ideal situations. So, I made diabetes and hypertension my two biggest priorities in everything I did last year. It was my NYE resolution for 2022 and to that end, I dropped from 380lbs to 315lbs. I quit smoking cigarettes on April 20, 2022, and I haven’t had the urge in more than six months. These two feats, considering my living environment and peer group should have made this otherwise daunting set of goals next to impossible. The food at the shelter, when not prepared specifically for the shelter, is the garbage left over from other people’s events and local businesses. It’s as if the Capitalists took the Queen of France and decided to feed the homeless and poor more cake than salad or steak. The marijuana-induced conspiracy theory is that the Capitalists see it as an opportunity to not on write off their garbage but to also increase the prospective market for diabetic therapies. While others see it as a way of reducing the number of poor and unhoused people through “natural selection.” I do not think I will ever eat another Starbucks sandwich, box, or sweet treat in my life because I was forced to eat so many of those items out of necessity because that is what The Gathering Inn, the California Not-for-profit that runs both of the shelters located in Placer County. This is now quickly becoming true for Chick-fil-A even though it may be the best-reheated chicken meat I have ever tasted. Dear Jesus, I hope with all my soul it was a chicken, but having been homeless and camping near one, I have my doubts because I never saw cats or rats anywhere near them.
My buddy Sean gets dog food from the Roseville shelter at the beginning of each month and he is gracious enough to swoop me up on the way to get me out of my studio. On March 3rd, I moved into a tiny studio in Loomis which I acquired with my Emergency Housing Voucher and General Relief or Cash Aid covering my rent. Essentially, I give my new landlord 30% of the $92 that Placer County provides me each month. Once I provided the county with my lease, they increased this to $250 a month. There have been numerous hiccups since I moved in, and the county neglected to provide me with cash aid on the first. When I went to the county office, the receptionist wasn’t able to see or do anything about it. I90lbs⁰ essentially had to use their phone to call in to get help which truly makes this office as useful as a screen door on a submarine. Why didn’t the county issue the payment? Nobody knows but the disembodied voice on the phone assured me the funds were now miraculously available. Thankfully, I have a social worker who is in charge of assisting with my housing because I have a Voucher. She was able to be the liaison between me and the landlord before this could become an issue. All of my move-in-related expenses along with everything I needed to initially move in were paid for by the county. This past Friday, the landlord dropped a note stating that the deposit that I agreed to pay in the lease had not been paid along with a photocopy of the relevant section of the lease stating the amount where I had initialed. Thankfully, I have these social qorkers because they were able to quickly resolve the situation without any drama.
Ever since I filed for SSI, the wait was for the hearing that occurred today in Sacramento at 11 AM to determine my eligibility. Two and a half months ago, I was assigned a new lawyer and she kept using the name of a doctor that I had not seen since 2020. She was also very upset by the report from the cardiologist because I had taken steps to stop my rapid downward spiral to the grave. Needless to say, this didn’t help reduce the level of stress and anxiety in my life. Ever since she gave me the date at the end of February there has been this nagging ticking in the back of my psyche, like the stopwatch on Sixty Minutes as I waited for this day to come. The fear of denial was so strong that it truly reduced the joy and satisfaction that I should have felt for finally finding a home again. Instead, I was full of dread and apprehension because I was truly afraid that should I be denied, I would eventually lose housing as well. This morning, my flight or fight response was so incredibly strong that it made just getting out of bed difficult. I ended up not falling asleep until well past my normal bedtime and waking up early only to fall asleep again. Since I don’t wear shoes around the house because they make the neuropathy in my feet more acute, my lawyer suggested that I not wear them to court. So, today, I went to court in shorts, a t-shirt, and barefoot to appeal the denial of my social security claim.
I have someone that I care about deeply, that is currently not talking to me, and she is undergoing the same process on the other side of the country, in Maryland, the state where I was born. The vocational expert stated she could perform the duty of a crayon maker or silverware wrapper. You know, like the bundle they give you at Danny’s that has a napkin wrapped around a knife, a fork, and a spoon? Her career could go from corporate accountant to this position and job function and therefore she did not qualify. Just stop for a second and let that sink in for a minute. Twenty years into the new digitally connected millennium there is a state-paid expert who suggested that putting the wrapper on a crayon or silverware was a viable career for someone whose medical issues precluded them from continuing work as an accountant. I won’t even begin to mention that there is only one manufacturer of crayons in the world and all others are cheap imitations because of Crayola. I was terrified by what possible recommendations the woman listening in over the phone could improvise to work around my disability. My lawyer warned me this would be part of the process and not to let it bother me.
The courtroom had all of the covid related upgrades including plexiglass barriers in front of the judge, courtroom reporter, my lawyer, and me. Networked microphones sat in front of each participant and I walked into the room sat down and used another chair to prop my feet up. I quietly and silently waited for the procedures to begin. I watched in apprehension as the judge seemed to watch my lawyer set up. I was sworn in, basically asked to swear that I would tell the truth. The case opened with my lawyer agreeing to the evidence that would be entered into this case. She then summarized my medical conditions and asked me questions to summarize my work history including those aforementioned gaps so that I could explain that I was working as a 1099 contractor. During the questioning, my daily activities came up, such as how frequently I went with my friend Shawn to the dog park and walked. Thankfully, I had discussed this particular issue with that aforementioned estranged friend and while I was prepared with an honest and truthful explanation I couldn’t help myself when the emotions of the reality of where I was in time and space, combined with all of the drama and trauma that I survived to get here, combined the admission that I was about to make caused a tidal wave of emotions. I started to cry as I explained the reality of my life and that it hurts to put on shoes, and the entire time is uncomfortable but I want and need the socializing from hanging out with my friend and his dog. I had just finished saying this and wiping away my tears when the judge interrupted and said he had heard enough. The ringing from tinnitus that is normally just an annoyance in the background that I tune out became a crescendo like an air raid or fire engines siren and air horn. I almost didn’t hear his next sentence as I stared at my lawyer in shock only to see she looked as shocked as I did. Then the words the judge said afterward made it to the narrator in my head “I find he meets the qualifications” followed by some number that refers to the actual disability law. Suddenly the full-blown anxiety-driven panic attack that I was about to dive into headfirst was averted as I took a deep breath and watched the entire scene like an out-of-body experience when you die. That’s how bad the fear and anxiety were building at that moment. There’s no dignity or pride at play at this moment, I am sitting in this courtroom barefoot and in shorts so that the vascular and circulation issues in my feet and lower legs were on display for the court to see.
Getting to this day has been incredibly difficult, far more difficult than it should be in the wealthiest country and society to ever exist on this planet. Especially considering the billions of dollars worth of lethal aid on top of the humanitarian aid we have sent to Ukraine. I have to thank the judge for not forcing me to continue to justify my existence and to beg for something that I should have been given immediately. Someone’s going to inevitably chime in and ask how the Feds will fund social security in the future to which I respond that maybe we divert some of the billions in corporate welfare given to start-ups like SpaceX and Tesla or the lethal/humanitarian aid and could easily be used to ensure that funding for future generations exists.So, when I woke up this morning, I was unemployed, without a source of income and I go to sleep tonight as a retired, disabled man. 🙃 Now, I can begin implementing my plan for world domination.
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