I love you. 

Yes, I just said that because it’s true. I love my Ex. She broke up with me nearly a month ago and I still love her. I will always love her. I can never hate her. 

Why?

She changed my life. We were together for a little over two years. In that time I learned to give of myself in so many ways. She was my first love. My best friend. My soulmate. 

I learned to care for someone besides myself, which was a big deal. I learned to compromise for others, as much as I let myself at the time, who were important to me. I learned to share. I learned how to be an adult, so I thought. 

You changed my life in many ways. 

You made me happy. You made me feel like a million bucks. You made me feel special and desired, a feeling I aspired for for so long. You gave me strength when I needed it. You made me love. 

I know we had our differences. We came from different backgrounds and I wasn’t sure how to adapt to it. We wanted different things. Even though I may have felt or said things a certain way, what you wanted was always important to me and still is. I was very selfish at times. 

In our second year of our relationship things became very hard for me. So much negativity came into my life I couldn’t handle. I didn’t want to handle it. I didn’t want to face it and became extremely selfish and weak. 

I put pressure on you that nobody deserved. I relied on you for all my happiness. I was now living for you, not myself. I drained you of your happiness because I had none left in me and I stole it from you. I stole your strength. I stole your love. I weakened you and made you unhappy. I failed you. 

I love you. 

I love you because you allowed me to dig deep within myself when I ultimately had no desire to. I really looked deep down and found where I went wrong. I went wrong in so many ways. I became so toxic to not only you, but myself and those who cared about me. I pushed everyone away. I isolated myself. I didn’t want to grow up. I was immature and very childish. I didn’t want to change or grow up. I didn’t want to face the reality of life. 

I rediscovered myself. I made drastic changes. I went cold turkey. I destroyed my immature habits. I became healthy in every sense of the word. I realized I became needy and insecure, someone I know I never was meant to be. I was scared. My emotions took over me, which pushed you away. I was clingy and overbearing because of these sudden insecurities. I lost my confidence in life. I lost the man you fell in love with. 

I’ve since destroyed those fears. I got help. Help to make me strong and how to conquer these toxic feelings that took over me. I brought people back into my life. I surrounded myself with friends and family. I surrounded myself with life. I’ve cried. I’ve felt the pain. It’s made me stronger than I ever was. I give of myself more than ever. I’m aware of when my internal habits surface and how to defeat them. I’m aware of those around me and how to be a better person. I’m mature and continuing to grow positively. 

I’m cleansed. 

I know this because of my attitude now, it wasn’t the attitude from a few weeks ago when I jumped the gun as I was still the old me then. I know this because I gave my mother a very thoughtful gift and she loved it. I cried out of happiness that I finally succeeded to no longer be selfish. My selfishness is gone. The negativity is gone. The fear is gone. The old me is gone. The past is gone. 

The only direction is moving forward. 

I love you. 

I love you because the pain and suffering these past 30-days has opened my eyes and allowed me to become the person I needed to be to succeed. The person I need to be to conquer the future. The man I want to be. The man you’ve always wanted me to be.

I thank you. 

I thank you for all that you’ve done for me. I’m grateful for my experiences with you. I’m thankful for your family who has shown me love in ways I couldn’t imagine. I’m thankful for you. Sometimes you have to lose everything to realize what you had/have. 

You are my best friend. You are the person I love. Whether you love me back anymore is up to you of course, but I will always love you. You made me who I am today. The man I was too scared to become before. I’m beginning to love myself again. 

I’m beginning to be the real me. Who I was meant to be all along. The old me was immature in so many ways. 

I love you with all my heart. I know you know that. I regret I hurt you, but I want you to know I heard you all along. I made mistakes I can’t go back and change.

I changed now to never make those mistakes again. I’m a better person. I not only love you, I love myself and what I’m becoming. 

You’re a beautiful person inside and out. We clicked in so many ways. We balance each other out. Your cute little smirk when the computer camera loaded melted my heart. Your loving and nurturing attitude made me feel blessed. The cute sound you’d make when you wanted a kiss made me excited. The way you held my hand made me feel so close to you. The way you popped my pimples showed me how much you cared. The way you held me and looked into my eyes made me realize how special I am to you.  Your touch filled me with joy in ways I can’t describe. The way you cooked for me, did my laundry when I wasn’t home and overall took care of me showed your true affection. Your desire to improve my life showed me how much I meant to you. I did notice it all, even if it seemed like I didn’t, and it meant the world to me. 

I know you said you’re done. You’re done with the past. I am, too. You deserve happiness and I do, too. You’re happier than ever now. So am I. I know deep down you still care and I do, too. 

I slipped, I fell hard, but this time I picked myself up for real. I know you did, too. 

I’m truly sorry from the bottom of my heart. 

I thank you. 

I love you. 

I’m ready. 

Leave a comment