For many years I wondered at the kind of wife I would be; I did not want to marry a mediocre man or raise a mediocre family. However the truth is, you cannot be a nickel looking for a dime, so I knew that meant I had to be a better than average wife.

But…what does it mean to be a good wife anyway?

In our day and age no one sits you down and paints a clear picture of what the role of a wife is or what we were designed to do in the family unit. The lines are so blurred and with all the different feminine movements out there, it can get pretty confusing to fully comprehend womanhood. Every movement claims to have ‘got it’, but none of it is working because families are falling apart at a faster rate than ever! Consequently it has become hard for women (and men) to find a template that truly works; I mean, just who are we???!

After many years of trying to fit into all these molds that rather than give me solutions, made me more angry and resentful. I gave up and did the only thing that actually made sense; I decided to ask the manufacturer! A wise man once said, in order to know the purpose of a thing, you cannot ask the thing itself, you must go back to the manufacturer. Thus, the day I began asking God the right questions; who am I? Why did you create women? What was your original idea of a wife? Why is the family unit so broken and damaged? Was the day I started to get clarity, and understanding; the genesis of a beautiful journey of self-discovery. I hope these lessons will teach and help many women as much as they have helped me.

Lesson I: A WIFE OR A WOMAN? (Proverbs 31:1-13)  

 We will start this lesson by looking at this interesting bible verse in Proverbs 18:22.

 King Solomon who wrote the book of proverbs is recorded in history to be the wisest man that ever walked this earth. However when you carefully analyze this passage, there is something that does not quite add up. The author makes a profound but confusing statement when he starts this sentence by saying “he that findeth a WIFE??”.  How can a man find a wife? Either the wisest man on earth is suggesting that you find a woman who is already married, or there is a deeper lesson to learn here.

 Ergo, the revelation HAS to be that a woman ought to become a wife even before she is married! Further suggesting that a man will either find a woman or a wife. Rest assured that every man is seeking a wife, because the bible is specific that, he that findeth a WIFE, findeth a good thing and obtains or collects favor from the lord.

 So what’s the difference? How does one become a wife? How does one find a wife? In order to answers some of these important questions we will paint a picture of what a WIFE is by studying Proverbs 31 closely; the only passage in the bible that unveils in detail ‘a wife of noble character’.

Before we analyze proverbs 31. I would like to share two disclaimers. The first one is that, these are my own personal revelations and not the law, therefore take them as such. Secondly, I  have discovered that many people do not like studying proverbs 31 because they see it as an unrealistic expectation for any woman. That is not the case, when you read proverbs 31 with understanding, then you discover that there are mysteries embedded therein that reveal the modus operandi and functionality of a wife rather than intricate demands. In other words proverbs 31 is actually HELPING us, WIVES, to understand who we are in terms of our purpose, capacity and capability. These are general guidelines and not rigid expectations that any woman should set on themselves nor any man set on a woman. Understand the overall principles, and apply them.

Now back to our main lesson – what are the characteristics of a WIFE that we can learn from Proverbs 31? I will break them down verse by verse.

Proverbs 31  (NLT)
The Sayings of King Lemuel
1 The sayings of King Lemuel contain this message,[a] which his mother taught him.

2 O my son, O son of my womb,
O son of my vows,
3 do not waste your strength on women,
on those who ruin kings

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A Wife of Noble Character
10 [b]Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?
She is more precious than rubies.

 In the beginning of this passage, Lemuel king of Massa is looking for the wisest counsel to give his son, after agonizing over what to share with his son, he resolves that the best advice he could offer was the one that his own mother passed down to him. “Give not your strength to women, no your ways to those who and that which ruin and destroy kings.” First and foremost, note the use of the word women here in contrast to a few verses down the line, proverbs 31:10, whereby he states ‘A virtuous and capable wife who can find?‘. Here, we see that King Lemuel is making a clear distinction between a woman and a wife. The best advice he can offer after years of experience is: son give not your strength or investment to just any odd woman, as a king you must be selective! You must find a WIFE, and a wife of noble character.

Proverbs 31 Amplified Bible, Classic Edition (AMPC)

10 A capable, intelligent, and [b]virtuous woman—who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls.

1. First characteristic of a WIFE, is simply that she is found. This is not just about “old fashioned tradition”, this reality is embedded in nature; the male species almost always goes looking for and competes to find the right female mate. A man was naturally designed to hunt, therefore cutting short this process means sabotaging the value of being FOUND and being DISCOVERED as a wife. The wife was designed to be pursued, and that pursuit was never meant to end.

Ladies if a pursuer doesn’t find you, how do you expect him to keep pursuing you throughout your relationship and marriage? The lesson here is: a man does not value what he does not work for. To find means to obtain by search or effort. The scripture, immediately after saying a vitreous wife who can find? Declares that SHE is more precious than..HER value is above rubies.. Who? SHE – as in the one who is FOUND. Therefore allow yourself to be a thrilling discovery and not a drive through (order what you want and move on) joint.

Men; Never ever stop pursuing, a wife was created to be perpetually discovered, thus the day you stop pursuing is the start of someone else finding her.

A WIFE IS FOUND. A KING PURSUES.

2. “She is worth far more than rubies.” – A wife is not only rare to find but she is of GREAT value – forget playing hard to get, this woman is hard to find! It is easy for anyone to find a pebble outside, however a precious stone has to be mined, meaning that you must have the proper training and equipment, the right knowledge, understanding, and most importantly patience!!! A wife is MORE PRECIOUS than rubies. This lady is so rare that when you get her there is NO WAY you are letting her go, no man in his right mind would find something so precious and leave it for another man to take.

Ladies? Understand your worth and please allow yourself to be found by a QUALIFIED person. If he said you are the right girl at the wrong time, he lied! Ask yourself, who in their right mind would stumble upon a ruby and think “Meh, wow what a good stone, just at the wrong time”. Yet you are worth more than rubies! Let that sink in…

A WIFE IS HARD TO FIND AND HIGHLY VALUABLE.

11 The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of [honest] gain or need of [dishonest] spoil.

3. In other versions of this passage, this verse states that she will greatly enrich his life. A wife is somebody who is completely trustworthy and reliable; a lady who not only wins the affection of her husband but evokes his complete confidence in her, why? Because he can rely on her for anything! A wife is an asset and not a liability;  prudent and resourceful in managing the family and home. This is someone with a high level of integrity and contentment that her husband can be secure of no enticement or dishonest spoils in their household.

Also, for men it is important to note the wording here. The heart of her husband, trusts in and relies on her so that he has no lack of honest gain.. So that, meaning for the purpose of having honest gain, he trusts, relies on and believes in her. To the degree that your trust her, is to the degree that you will have honest gain. Sometimes men mistakenly over look the advice, counsel or instincts of their wives.

A WIFE IS AN ASSET; A TRUSTWORTHY AND RELIABLE MANAGER WHO SUSTAINS INTEGRITY IN HER MARRIAGE & FAMILY. A HUSBAND MUST TRUST AND BELIEVE IN HIS WIFE.

¹² She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her.

4.  A wife is supposed to be a comforter; full of life and encouragement. Home is not a physical address, home is in the arms of the right woman. A man needs to know that his wife is his HELPER-SUPPORT; that he can come HOME at the end of the day and get comfort and encouragement irrespective of what happens, or how he does. Believe it or not, we were never created to say “I told you so!” we were created to say “it’s alright honey we will do better next time”.

Ladies if you do not know how to comfort and encourage then you need to grow into a wife!

Men; the lesson for you here is, she comforts and encourages AS LONG AS there is life inside her. Before you try to withdraw some life and encouragement from her ask yourself is there life inside her? Is HER emotional tank full? Your responsibility is to make sure that she is full of life so that she can give out life. She does him only good as long as there is life within her.

A WIFE COMFORTS. A WIFE ENCOURAGES. A WIFE DOES GOOD AND NOT EVIL. A HUSBAND ENSURES THAT THERE IS ALWAYS LIFE WITHIN HER.

¹³ She seeks out wool and flax and works with willing hands [to develop it].

5. A wife is a seeker and a solution giver by nature! God made her creative, eager to learn various skills and hard working, for the purpose of bringing the best to her home. By nature a woman reproduces; she takes raw material, develops it and produces something. Moreover, willingness in her heart is a requirement for her to create. No wonder the previous verse says that she does him only good as long as there is life within her. When you connect these two verses you discover that when there is life inside her, she naturally seeks out the best and willingly works with her hands to develop..

Ladies, be prudent about what you seek out and the raw material you bring into your heart, into home and into your marriage, because it is what you will process,  develop and reproduce.

Men, the hands of a wife are blessed. God has entrusted in her hands the very heart beat of society. The place of the wife is not the home, SHE IS HOME. Love, keep and honor your home. Whatever raw material you give, the environment you create, and the way you take care of her, is what she will take in, process and reproduce back to you; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over,

WHEN THERE IS LIFE INSIDE HER. A WIFE IS BY NATURE SKILLFUL, HARD WORKING AND POSITIVE. 

*********TO BE CONTINUED***********