My son loves me. He just doesn’t know it yet.

My son:   (takes a piece of bacon and retreats to the other room with his laptop)
Me:   No dude, you have to wash your hands. You don’t want grease on your track pad.
My son:   I use a mouse.
My husband:   You don’t want grease on your mouse either.
Me:   There are a lot of guys who’d disagree.
My son:   (from the other room) You’re sick.

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