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So often, we hear about folks declaring that theyd like to live to be 100. Most of us are probably more likely reach the average life expectancy of a little over 78 years for men and about 81 years for women in the U.S. In places where excellent healthcare is available more people surpass average life expectancy and more often reach their 90s and beyond. Is this a great thing?

stubborn old man

Its time for a reality check. Longevity in aging parents can be wonderful but it can also be very difficult to manage.

Take the case of Bertrand, age 91, well fixed financially. He is confused but still driving around and participating in some activities. He loses track of his bills. His memory is shot. He cant take care of his bedridden wife, but he hires helpers and they take advantage of his confusion. His only son, Dominic, lives an hour plane flight away but he has his own family and his own problems and cant be available at every moment. Bertrand authorized Dominic, to be his agent on his Durable Power of Attorney to help with finances. When his son tried to step into one of Bertrands messes, Dad pushed him away and said he would not allow it. What is Dominic to do?

The burden on Dominic is overwhelming. Of course he wants his dad to have a long life, but now that creates problems he never thought about. He sees his father showing signs of dementia, but Bertrand refuses assistance with the very thing most needed: managing money. That leads to the danger of Bertrands assets being depleted, as no one is keeping track of them. Dominic called his fathers estate planning attorney to ask what to do.

His attorney cant make Bertrand honor the Durable Power of Attorney he signed, as anyone can revoke such a document as long as one is still competent. Bertrand is at the last edge of competency to handle money but hes too stubborn to admit it. And hes also too stubborn to give up control and allow his son to help him.

Is there a way out of this dilemma? Perhaps. Bertrands physical health is fragile, as he has numerous diagnoses and goes to his doctor often. Dominic also is appointed on his fathers Advance Healthcare Directive, which gives him the opportunity to speak to Bertrands healthcare providers. He can call the main treating doctor and explain the situation. The estate planning lawyer told Dominic that with a letter from that doctor stating that Bertrand is incapacitated for managing his finances, Dominic can take over the family trust even if his Dad doesnt want him to do so. Thats how the trust was written. Now Dominic has to get the letter and break the news to Bertrand, which is likely to set off a firestorm from Bertrand. Dominic knows that taking this next step is the only way to keep his parents finances safe. He is at least in good position that he just needs one letter from dads treating doctor to move forward to protect his dad.

Diminished financial capacity is an issue many adult children face with parents who live to be 90 and more. Mental capacity to manage money may not last for an entire lifetime, no matter how good an aging parent was at this before. At times, the children have to take over against the elders wishes. Some estate planning attorneys correctly predict this possibility and make the trust language easier to work with when a parent has to be removed from the position of authority. Other lawyers put horribly burdensome language into the trust, almost forcing the adult children to go to court in a pitched battle between parent and child when the parent is cognitively impaired. Here at AgingParents.com, where we mediate family conflicts like the one between Bertrand and Dominic, we see the dangers of badly written trusts. What does your parents trust say about possible incapacity? It is well worth a discussion!

Here are some points to find out about and correct if you need to do so.

Notice that what Dominic needs to do with his father is directed by the words a lawyer put into legal documents for Bertrand. It is worth the effort now for you to find out what might be your responsibility in the future and see that it is workable for all in your family. Getting a trust amended (changed in this particular limited way) is generally not a long nor expensive task.

See original here:
Aging Parents And Longevity: The Big Issue That Affects Families And How To Fix It - Forbes

This entry was posted on March 9, 2020 at 3:50 am and is filed under Longevity. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed. |