30 days ago today (It sounds better written this way. Trust me.), I decided to make an unprecedented move towards growing facial hair. Not feeling like the man I once was, it was time to do something so primitive, so testosteronically charged that in the span of one month I would cement my position as dad, man, and leader of my family.
Movember, the month of mustaches, was my opportunity and I seized it with gusto.
I’ve never grown a mustache before. Ever. So when the first week of Movember passed and I had nary a hairy, I got nervous. I questioned my self and doublechecked my secret compartment for the dynamite and a pair of grenades. What was wrong?
Then, the type A personality kicked in. I needed to set some goals and direction for my ‘stache. Things took off from there.
The ultimate goal: The Magnum P.I.
The Pinnacle of Facial Hair Perfection
Lofty, yes. But Tom Selleck’s perfectly coiffed mustache became the sex symbol of the 80’s. It was the star of the show, and poor Tom was forever standing in its shadow, both literally and figuratively.
A Distinguished Look From the 1930’s. The Clark Gable.
Wanting to give my mustache some time to blossom into greatness, I waited another week. I sprouted a few more follicles and excitement set in. It was time to break out the tools. I sculpted my whiskers a little at a time and, lo and behold, a more Clark Gable look presented itself. Not bad, I thought as I tugged at my soup strainer. A veritable rebirth of the 1930’s actor…only this time in Indian.
I could deal with that. I slicked my hair back and completed the dashing look for a week or so.
Then last week, I was feeling a bit frisky. Too frisky. I got a little loose with the razor and uncovered a pre-millenium Eddie Murphy mo. (It came out of the blue and I’m still reprimanding myself for the cuts I did and did not make. On the plus side, when I need a laugh I just look in the mirror…)
I’ve got to give props to the men that sport a lip curtain. It takes work and effort to maintain. You can’t just put a baseball cap on it and roll out the door. A mustache desires your attention like a supermodel desires a Big Mac. You must cater to its whims and fancies. It’s the center of attention and draws people in like a religious cult. That being said, the added effort is worth the reward. I got more looks from men and women in the past 30 days than I have all year long. “Wow, you’re interesting to look at!”, “Stop looking at me. I’m uncomfortable with your oozing manliness.” “A brown Clark Gable? He’s way more handsome than the original!” and “Are you one of ‘those’ movie stars?” are the words I read from onlooking eyes.
Since I had such a good time being able to tickle my tongue for the past month, I may just drag this prodigious pushbroom on my profile just a little bit further into the year. I’ve finally become the man and father for Steph, Worm, and soon Smush, to look up to.
Gavin – 19; Dad – 10 (I’ve reclaimed my manhood and dadhood!)
The Only Thing That Could Make This Picture More Manly Would Be A Mounted Deer Head On the Wall.
Me vs. Gavin 