Today is Aidan’s 6th birthday…I’ve always said that this isn’t just a celebration of his birth…but a celebration that Almost Ex and I managed to keep him alive to reach his birthday…I don’t like being bad at stuff, and I don’t like admitting I’m bad at stuff, but as a new mom, I was clueless…as a pregnant woman, I was really clueless…

My co-workers told me I was pregnant for weeks before I ever took a pregnancy test…my response was always, “I don’t wanna be pregnant, so I’m not!”  I was 25, made $9 an hour, was the sole source of income in our family, and had just interviewed for a promotion (to move to Florida) so that I could make a living wage…I couldn’t be pregnant…it was the worst possible time…

I couldn’t even afford a pregnancy test…ok, so that was the reason I used not to buy one…until a friend of mine showed up at my door with a two-pack.  I made plans to take it the next morning…see, the tests come with these handy little instructions guides and if you’ve never taken one (which at that point, I hadn’t) and you’re a little OCD (which I am), you read the instructions…morning was the best time to take the test and I had a few more hours to live in denial…

So, the instructions tell you that once you’ve peed on the stick, it may take a few minutes to see the plus or minus sign…in my case, it was instantaneous…there was no waiting…it was a plus…and my response was, “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!”  I woke up Almost Ex and made him go look…he said, “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!”  I called my mother, and she said, “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!” I think the announcement that you’re pregnant is supposed to be a joyous occasion…in Aidan’s case, not so much…

Fast forward a little…I got the promotion, made the move to Florida, found an ob/gyn, made a couple of friends, stayed “small” during my pregnancy (as small as an overweight woman can stay), was told my due date was August 20, and had a baby shower on July 17.

The afternoon of July 19 I was sitting in the living room reading the latest Harry Potter book.  I stood up and something ran down my leg.  I’m a grown woman, I know I didn’t pee on myself.  My water broke and it was pink.  Is that normal?! Hell, I don’t know…

I called Almost Ex and told him to get. home. NOW!  I called the hospital (which was 45 minutes away), crying…it was a month too soon, my water wasn’t supposed to break, my husband wasn’t home, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God…that poor nurse…I was a wreck…

After a 45 minute drive, we arrived at the hospital…I was freaking out, but feeling fine…they strapped me to the monitor and started checking…for those of you who don’t know, having someone check to see if you’re dilated when you’re NOT dilated hurts like hell…I was told that I wasn’t in labor, that I had a UTI, and when I explained I was starting to feel a pain deep in my side (near my back), I was told that labor didn’t start there…so I was sent home…we stopped Wal-Greens for the UTI medicine…

By the time my prescription was filled, I wasn’t even walking upright anymore…why no one in the Wal-Greens didn’t stop to help the pregnant woman bent over double, I’ll never know…but the doctors and nurses had said the pain I felt wasn’t labor, so it never occurred to me to question it…we went home (another 45 minute drive)…

I tried to lay down, I tried to sleep, I read (and finished) the Harry Potter book…and Almost Ex called the hospital 4 times…they told him to give me Benadryl…by the 4th call, he didn’t call to ask what he needed to do, he told them we were coming…by now, I was actually screaming…I’m a pretty composed person when I’m in pain…not that day…it was now about 5am on July 20…another 45 minute drive to the hospital and there I was again, strapped to the monitor, and getting checked to see if I was dilated…

Aidan’s head was RIGHT THERE…Wait, WHAT?!  If it hadn’t hurt so damn much, I might have laughed at the expression on the nurse’s face… 

I really wanted to push…I mean, I reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally wanted to push…and the nurse told me not to…well, that’s like telling someone who has to pee not to think about water…really?  Finally, a doctor arrived and two pushes later, so did Aidan…6 lbs 7oz and too small for preemie clothes…a healthy weight, but unable to suck so he barely ate the two days we were in the hospital…

The cluelessness didn’t stop at pregnancy…Aidan peed on me everyday for 6 months because it took me a while to get the diaper thing…Aidan was the first newborn I ever held…his was the first diaper I ever changed…he was the first baby I ever fed – bottle or otherwise…he is my grand experiment…I had never discplined anyone, I had never taught anyone, I had never raised anyone before Aidan…he may be my oldest, but he is, and will always be, my baby…

Happy Birthday, Aidan…your brother will probably never know how grateful he should be that I practiced on you first…