Belly: A Brutal Bible Tale Authored by Rev. Steven Rage

Our hapless prophet finds himself in the wrong damn place at the wrong damn time. He simply wanted to go to The Harbor to get some Plata because his guy in Big City where he lives got pinched. Desperate enough for the Plata to trudge down to The Harbor, and naive enough to go naked, Jonah finds himself in the midst of a deadly squabble with a an angry , unstable drug dealer pointing a gun at his chest. At point blank range the Plata dealer can’t miss. The dealer fires. Being shot by a large caliber handgun should have put a grieving Jonah out of his misery, but The Christ has other plans for him. What can you say She moves in mysterious ways. Jonah, shot in the chest, is dead before he hits the ground. Fine by him. Not so for the New Christ. She sends Pedro to intervene.
Immanuel the Christ has some nerve. Jonah has already lost everyone he loves to Pilate the vampire and his Harbor drug violence. Jonah now trudges through his days staying as high on Plata as possible. He just wants to be left alone while he waits for his turn to die.
The Christ has other plans for him. She sends Her messenger, Pedro, to assign Jonah the very dangerous task of ordering the Herod to dismantle the Harbor’s Plata trade. Jonah has a choice: fight or flight. He decides to run. But you can’t run from God forever. As Jonah learns the hard way when the ‘Edmund Fitzgerald’ founders and goes down in rough seas, with the reluctant prophet on board.
Job is Satan’s Chosen One and he doesn’t take kindly to orders from some upstart prophet. Rather than acquiescing, Job thinks caving Jonah’s head in with a tire iron is the best bet. Jonah finds himself out of the frying pan, but firmly fixed in the fire. Then the Lord Herself starts dispatching Job’s children. One at a time, until the Herod of The Harbor finally obeys.

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