I recently received the loveliest rejection letter from the editor of MAD Magazine for my
submission of I Heard It On The Bus. I know, you don’t usually associate the word lovely with MAD Magazine or rejection, but honestly, their thanks-but-no-thanks letter left me with a smile rather than the need to curl up into the fetal position and sob. Sadly, I can’t say the same for my boys.
“We found it sweet and whimsical, but a little too sweet for MAD. Some version of it would have worked for MAD Kids, but publication of that title ceased three years ago.”
Spurred on by the fact that they didn’t say, “This crap totally sucks. You stink!” I’m continuing to nose around for the entertaining nonsense being passed around on the big yellow bus. So, without further ado, I give you the latest I Heard It On The Bus.
1. “Mom, did you know that in some foreign countries, people use ear wax instead of Chapstick?” It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
2. “Mom, did you know that boogers are like snowflakes? No two are ever alike. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
3. “Mom, did you know if you eat a peanut butter and banana sandwich while sitting on the toilet, you’ll have a baby? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
4. “Mom, did you know it’s against the law if you don’t wear underwear to school. The school nurse keeps a stash of underwear in her desk drawer for the kids who forget. As punishment, she makes the boys wear pink princess underwear in toddler sizes. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
5. “Mom, did you know that mermaids are real? And, I don’t mean the ones like Ariel. I mean the evil ones who want to kill kids and eat them. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
6. “Mom, did you know that shouting at food makes it cook faster? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
7. “Mom, did you know that kids who snort up their boogers instead of blowing their nose, end up pooping worms? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
8. “Mom, did you know if you eat a pickle before you go to sleep, you’ll have nightmares and wet the bed? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
9. “Mom, did you know if you put a bag of Sour Patch Kids into a can of Mountain Dew and drink it, you’ll be able to fart a hole through your math homework? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
10. “Mom, did you know it’s a well-known fact that spiders crawl into your mouth while you sleep? Most of the time they just pee, but every once in a while they lay eggs, too. That’s why people have morning breath. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
Fact or Fiction? As usual, I’ll let you be the judge.
For past episodes of I Heard It On The Bus, click below…
I Heard It On The Bus: Part II
I Heard It On The Bus: Part III
I Heard It On The Bus: Part IV
I Heard It On The Bus: Part VI
I Heard It On The Bus: Part VII
I Heard It On The Bus: Part VIII
Young American Wisdom 
YOU MEAN THAT’S WHERE BABIES COME FROM!!! BANANA AND PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES!! OMG, I better have a talk with my boys and stop buying bananas!!!
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I know, shocker, right?
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I’m appalled.
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That is a pleasant rejection. Have you thought about submitting to some of the kids magazines like Cricket or Highlights. I have a feeling you would have luck there.
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I have, but thought those magazines were too “sweet and whimsical” for I Heard It On The Bus. 😉
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There’s a slightly older magazine under the family of Cricket (I can’t recall its title at the moment) that might work. I will look it up for you.
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Thanks, Lisa!
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bahahahahaha! i’m dying over #9. fart jokes get me every time. you are just too funny! MAD is, well, mad not to publish your submissions! try parents magazine. there’s a home for you out there for sure!!!!!!
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Aww! Thanks so much for the kind words. They are much appreciated.
Personally, I think we’re never too old for a good fart joke.
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I agree with the both of you,
so just laugh and don’t fart in
the process otherwise I may
change my mind on this 😦
Andro xxx
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Farting is a hot topic in a house with 10 & 11-year-old boys. Classy, I know. 😉
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Yes I can imagine 🙂 lol
However once those boys
are older they will still enjoy
the jovial explosions and
laugh like boys of 10 & 11 🙂
Not that I am talking from
experience of course 🙂 lol
Andro xxx
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I gotta argue with the peanut butter and banana sandwiches, or otherwise Elvis woulda had DOZENS of kids … unless they’re out there incognito…. oh crap! 😯
And I think #6 is wrong, too – the louder I scream at the microwave, the SLOWER things seem to cook. Or does it only work for conventional ovens? Perhaps therein lies the rub….
Not a bad rejection letter. They could’ve just told you to go take a long flying leap. Downright kind, compared to some of the rejections I got when job-seeking! 😀
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I’m not sure shouting helps with anything. Every time I shout at my kids, their eyes glaze over and they turn into zombies.
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All this talk of earwax & boogers nearly had me gagging. I’m sensitive to that kinda stuff
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I know. I threw up twice while writing this. 😦
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Forget Mad…you need your own book.
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Hey! Thanks for saying that. Who’s my audience, though? Kids, adults, parents, artsy guys with a good sense of humor?
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Def Adults.
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Thanks!
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We need to restrict peanut butter and banana sandwiches, then.
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Especially in China.
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Congrats on having the courage to send your work out into the world. That’s definitely a “positive rejection” note. Keep it up!
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Thanks for the encouraging words, Jackie! They are much appreciated.
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I agree with bearmancartoons. Go the book route. That being said, that is the nicest darn rejection letter I’ve ever seen!
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Thank you! I never thought I would be so pleased over being rejected.
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I think even getting a letter back is a very good sign, Nancy. I would say (literally) 90% + of the publications I submitted material to in the past never responded to me… at all. Ever. Just echoing what everyone else has said… keep trying. You have a very entertaining / unique thing here… AND it’s incredibly relatable, too… it’s only a matter of finding the right spot. Or the least lazy / uncreative editor. Oops… I didn’t just say that out loud, did I?!
😉
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Thanks a million, Sig! I really appreciate your kind words and encouragement.
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